Little bottles of booze... check. Maxim Magazine... check. Swim trunks... check. Viagra... check. Cash... check. Checks... cashed. Off to Reno/Vegas and all you get is this stupid blog. Text message me love. Gooch:OUT

LETTER TO THE PREDATOR:

Dear Gooch:

So, I was checking out your website today...questions for you...
On your receipt for SRO...you state that the only problem with the receipt
is that you forgot a 0 after the tip of $4.5. Well-if your tab came to
$9.50 & the tip is $4.50...wouldn't the total be $14.00 & not the noted
$15.00? Now, I realize that I am in remedial college math and all, but even
I know that 9.5 + 4.5 = 14 & not 15.

I don't remember signing that receipt; so carrying the one wasn't exactly on the agenda either. This letter came from someone that I ruthlessly pick on for failing Math 65 in college last week. What's sad is that even sober, I didn't notice the discrepancy.

I got a pedicure yesterday as a belated birthday gift. Me and two girls lined up in chairs getting pampered: that's not gay. If I was sitting at home, buffing and polishing the little piggies myself; that's pole-smoker territory.

I'm metro, bitch.

WELCOME TO MY WORLD

Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay Lohan-Gallucci. Lindsay Gallucci. Nineteen days until Lindsay Lohan's 18th birthday. Did you see her on SNL? Did you see her on the MTV Movie Awards? The Olsen twins turned 18 yesterday. Would you rather have sex with both Olsen twins at the same time or Lindsay Lohan by herself? I'd choose the latter, but have the Olsen twins hold the cameras so I'd have two angles to work with when I produce the final edit in Adobe Premiere (video editing software). I'm... disturbed...

Happy graduation to YMike.

Going to Reno-then-Vegas. I'm gonna come back tan and broke. I'll have never been happier.