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Lunch Time.

CNN: Probe confirms train engineer's texting on the job

The National Transportation Safety Board is looking into claims that the engineer, 46-year-old Robert Sanchez, was sending text messages to two teenagers on Friday when his commuter train slammed into a Union Pacific freight train in Chatsworth, killing two dozen people, including himself.

its lik ths train drvs itslf LOL!

It's too bad that the conductor died. He and the captain of the Exxon Valdez could have had their own reality show. And by "could have" I mean "most definitely would have." Because TV programming is predictable. And it sucks.

goochout.

Douchebag Theater

A stripper offered to give me a blow job for $100. I told her that I wouldn't take less than $125. She then informed me that I would, in fact, be paying her. I declined. She dropped her price to $50. I still declined, but decided that I'm the best blow job negotiator... ever. I got her to drop her price by half without having to really try.

When a guy goes on a date, he should hire me to show up at the end of the evening to negotiate the post-date fellatio.

Bill: Well I had a really great time tonight. I hope you liked the premium steak dinner and twelve dollar drinks you consumed at a steady pace this evening.

Susan: I certainly did. What a wonderful first date this was. [gives a kiss on the cheek and begins to open the door to her apartment.]

Bill: [eyes get wide at the thought of a fruitless evening, motions to Gooch, who is urinating in some bushes out of sight, a mere 12 feet away] Susan, I'd like you to meet The Gooch.

Susan: Who?

Gooch: [shakes susan's hand and shares a smirk with Bill as they both know that Gooch just took a piss and did not wash his hands] I understand you're planning on just calling it a night?

Susan: Well, yeah...

Gooch: Didn't you enjoy your steak dinner? Didn't you enjoy those top shelf mojitos? How about the twenty dollar order of calamari appetizer that you had to have yet only took two bites?

Susan: Umm... who are you again?

Gooch: Let's face it: Bill put out for a pretty good evening. You should think about putting out yourself, if you know what I'm saying.

Susan: My gosh, you're so subtle and indirect that I almost didn't catch the meaning of what you were actually saying.

Gooch: I think you should invite Bill inside and blow him. He cares about you so much that he was willing to spend his entire Tuesday evening with you. Bought you dinner... drinks...

Susan: I'm not blowing anyone.

Gooch: ...appetizers, valet parking...

Bill: [mumbling] extra side of shrimp

Gooch: You got the seafood up sell? Susan? Come the fuck on...

Susan: It's a first date - I barely know him!

Gooch: [points to Bill] What's it going to take to put that dick [points to Susan] in that mouth?

Susan: What? Are you selling a fucking car?

Gooch: [crosses arms and closes eyes in a juvenile fashion] dick. mouth.

Susan: Will you go away if I promise to fellate Bill?

Gooch: hand on the head?

Susan: All I'm promising is no teeth.

Gooch: I guess, in the end, that's all anyone can really ask for. Swallow?

Susan: Fucking leave. Now. [pulls mace canister out of purse, moves plunger to 'unlock' position]

Bill: [slips $100 to Gooch, whispers 'thanks']

Gooch: Gooch Out! [Puts cape around his neck and runs down the street with his arms extended, making 'whooshing' sound with his mouth].

******

I heard this haiku during an interview of Dave Stewart (Eurythmics):

To express one's self
In seventeen syllables
Is very diffic

******

[Twelve minutes have passed]

Susan: [hands over her face] not in the eyes!

******

Bumper Sticker of the Week:

I Found Jesus
He was in the trunk of my car
when I got back from Tijuana

******

Gooch:Out

Observation #1

I'm passive-aggressive suicidal.

Heart and Soul

I'm currently listening to T'Pau's "Heart and Soul" from their 1987 album Bridge of Spies. I find that that Carol Decker's soulful vocal delivery combined with the progressive synthesized backing provides a sense of hope and ease in an an often unfriendly world.

******

I've been trying out the new "Genius" feature released in iTunes 8. It works pretty well. It catalogs my music so that you can select a song and the Genius will create a playlist that it "thinks" will match the taste, if you will, of that song. In order to do this, all of your songs titles are sent to Apple because the algorithm involved uses information from other users' playlists.

******

Watched Entourage last night. The breakup of Drama and his French girlfriend was a great payoff for enduring the corniness of their long distance videophone experience. It was almost like Drama was dating a hot female version of Max Headroom.

I love that Turtle is getting consistently getting laid and had one of the best verbal exchanges of the episode. It also looks like Vince is going to shed his annoyingly principled career attitude and finally go "Hollywood."

The show gave a nod to one of its standard conventions of having Drama and Turtle break off from the foursome leaving them and Vince and Eric to have separate story arcs. Turtle is looking to go out, but Drama is involved with his girl and Vince is reading scripts. Turtle asks Eric to go out and he says "what... just me and you?" Turtle replies "yeah, you're right." Classic. Almost as good as the "Vegas, Baby, Vegas" episode where Eric and Seth Green (playing himself) are talking about Seth's failed sitcom. Seth Green says "Yeah, I guess nobody believed that four thirty-somethings would be living in the same house together" (the premise of Entourage).

Mark Wahlberg made a cameo appearance in last night's episode. There's some really good direction this season. It's like the producers have addressed any issues from the previous seasons and made season 5 extremely watchable.

******

Listening to Gordon Lightfoot's "If You Could Read My Mind." Does it get any better than this song? Hint: It doesn't.

******

gooch

:out

Ugh...

I sought out and found adventure last night. The thoughts and events that transpired surely would more perplex than titillate you. Therefore, consider yourself spared.

I'm at an office. I got here at 8:15 to resolve a printing issue. This trip will cover my expenditures from last night. Thank God. I also have to drive to Newberg on another work related trip.

I don't feel well. I routinely experience this phenomenon where I don't feel
well in the morning if I, the night before, drink copious amounts of a variety
of different alcohols within a short amount of time.

I think I'm going to go out to breakfast with a friend. I think I may throw up before then. It's a toss up.

I wanted to see Righteous Kill this weekend. The reviews are so, so bad that I may wait for the DVD - if they bother to release one. It sounds truly sucktastic. Here's a review.

The Gooch is Out.