Happy 30th Birthday Gregster!

Despite my drinking endeavors last night, I woke up bright and early. With a hangover, I've vacuumed, made the bed, done laundry, and taken done the cat chores. I've done more before 8am than I planned to do all day. I'm throwing off my own curve.

True Story: through a bizarre On-Demand coincidence, I've watched the "Wall-Mart" episode of South Park and a documentary outlining the evils of Wal-Mart. I'm on my way to Wal-Mart as soon as I type this. Sure they destroy communities and exploit government services... but who can walk away from such low prices?



I love the fact that I purchased a vacuum with a HEPA filter (from Wal Mart, fyi) to keep the air in my home clean (I guess you need to vacuum more than once a month to benefit from this... but who knew?). When I go outside to the trash can to clean the filter and empty the canister (per the vacuum's instructions), I'm exposed to all of the pollutants at once. The cleaning steps for the filter is to beat it against the inside of the trash can. This produces a toxic cloud of cat fur and dander, dust, and I'm sure some carcinogen known to the State of California to cause cancer. Basically, a family's lungs are spared, but one person will have to take the fall for everyone.

Love is setting someone free.
Marriage is hoping that they don't come back.-me

goochout

I just awoke from my afternoon nap to see the vapid, annoying, Lauren Conrad hawking this bullshit sweatshirt. Who the fuck is she again? A phony intern on a pseudo reality show? Look at her face and into marble inserts she calls eyes... she has no soul. There's nothing sincere about this person and she's got the balls to tell me what to do? I mean, club sandwiched, not seals is one of the reasons we have such an obesity problem in this country. I'm going to club a seal with a club sandwich.

goochout

Sometimes, you sit in front of the computer, trying to think of something witty to say, and you resort to a joke email from the day before. Sort of lame, but oh well.

Watched Tyler Perry's "Why Did I Get Married." I've started penning the sequel: "Why Did I Spend $6 O This Crap?" I knew I was in trouble when Tyler Perry's name came up six times in the opening credits. The writing is on the same plain as a sit com. A bad sit com. Awkard dialogue, including a "Dr. Evil" reference. Every bizarre situation was ham-handedly explained away. One scene involves Janet Jackson's character, a professor) discussing a book that she wrote about her friends' relationships (even using their real names). One of the students asks about one of the couples and Jackson responds "Well, I don't like to discuss my friends." YOU WROTE A BOOK ABOUT THEM?

Mildly amusing, but mostly painful to watch.

goochout.

Christopher Walken cooking chicken with pears.
Hey, why not?



(Thanks, Delvis)

goochout

Marty, Joel, and I went and saw Adam Corolla's "The Hammer" tonight. Great move, reminded me of the good independent films I used to see in college.

Afterwards, we went to a Gresham bar and had some beers. I remembered that the bartender, Angela, has a super secret recipe for shots where she mixes something up and then strains the concoction as she pours it into nine shot glasses. The result is nine shots of booze, all in a different color, poured from one mixer. She calls it a "Rainbow Shot." I call it alcoholic gold:

My camera phone doesn't do it justice, but you get the idea.

Also, I want to share with you the aftermath of what happens when I eat a bunch of gold leaf and then, you know, take a girl out for lobster:

Taken at the hospital, right after she said "he told me he loved me" and right before she started crying.

Gotta go, my golf leaf cereal is getting soggy in the milk.

goochout.