Web MD: Young Men Lead Surge in Viagra Use
(Click the title for the full story)

Blue Steel in effect, motherfuckers. The number one cure for liquor dick per clinical trials I've personally conducted in my home office. I'm getting Cialis next. The Cialis commercials state in their warnings that "erections lasting longer than three days may require immediate medical attention." Dr. Gooch suggests that erections lasting longer than three days may require more girls and time off work.

I'm Dead... bitch!

Rick James, dead at 56.

From the MSN story:

In 1993 he was convicted in two separate cases of assaulting women. The first case occurred in 1991, when prosecutors said James and his girlfriend tied a woman to a chair, burned her with a hot crack pipe and forced her to perform sex acts during a cocaine binge at his West Hollywood home.

Cocaine's a hell of a drug... indeed.

Also in the story, it states that he likely died of natural causes. Um... he's Rick James and he's dead at 56. There's nothing natural about either one of those facts.

I'm Gooch, bitch.

Frequent Tanning May Signify Mental Disorder

Dedicated to Nikki (my best friend), Meggan (my ex-girlfriend) and me (my own worst enemy). Click HERE for the story.

My post regarding the Nokia auction was post number 666, according to blogger. This does not bode well.

I was a good boy this afternoon. I met with friends, played pool, went to bed early. At 12:23, according to the Moto, I started getting prank calls on my cell phone. At first it was a chick's voice mimicking my "hellos" and "who's theres." Then followed a series of calls and hangups. I'm too old for this shit. I'm tired, yo.

My trusty Nokia phone has hit Ebay. Actually, I had Nokia refurb it. Sweet! Own history... own my old phone.

eBay item 5713321170 (Ends Aug-06-04 07:38:47 PDT) - Nokia 6800 (AT&T Wireless) With Accessories

Wow, I was three beers into the night when I wrote that last blog. "Ghosts of vagina past?" I think I modified some Chris Rock there. I got serious positive vibes while wearing my new gay shirt at a club Friday night. The girl that stamps your hand at the main entrance told me I was cute and asked how often I work out. I said "thank you" and avoided eye contact, because god-for-fucking-bid an attractive girl might be attracted to me (I've always written off the last few girlfriends as a fluke).

And parenthetically speaking of ex-girlfriends, Two exes and one girl I dated for a bit were all in attendance at the bar. I had intended to go on a binge. A bender. However, I have a history of being a drunken asshole and owed it to those three to show moderation.

Moderation - The scourge of my thirties.

Seventy dollars in beer interspersed with diet cokes and 20 bathroom breaks laid the foundation for a funky evening. Two girls said they'd show their breasts if this guy and I kissed on the lips. I discreetly informed one of the girls that I'd seen both of them naked at some point and sure as fuck didn't need to kiss a guy while wearing a gay looking shirt in a country bar. No sooner did I say that than the other guy wrapped his hand around the back of my head and pulled me in for a closed mouth kiss. He got what he wanted as one girl's shirt came up and - in a surprise move - another girl's pants went down.

We've got bush. - Dudley "Booger" Dawson in "Revenge of the Nerds"

The night progressed. "You were in fine form last night" is how a witness put it when I ran into him the next night. Two girls approached me with a camera phone and asked to have their picture taken with me. I obliged and then they askeed if I wanted to go to Shari's for breakfast. In the "Choose Your Own Adventure" book of life, here's where I decide to A: Go home with my friends and pass out on a couch or B: Go home with two girls and more than likely pass out on a couch. I chose B.

To Shari's we went. There was a group there that these girls were meeting. among the group were four hot 22-to-24-year-olds who apparently thought I was "cute" (according to one of the original girls from the club). One of the girls looked at me and mouthed "hi," which pissed off the guy next to her. I smiled smugly as this shit never, ever, fucking happens to me. I was in a zone, baby.

We cashed out of the Shari's and I hopped in the car with the original two girls. They ditched the twenty-somethings because they were "annoying." Fuck. We went back to an apartment where I figure maybe i'll get laid.

ME AT SOME APARTMENT, LOSING THE BATTLE AGAINST FATIGUE... BUT NOT THE WAR.

Wrong.

The apartment housed two Army guys who thought they were going to hook up with these chicks. It was a nightmare. I'm on the couch with the two girls and these two guys are in the less advantageous position. They had rooms with beds to go to. I was sitting on a couch. I was a guest of their guests. One of the guys pulled the "I need a shoulder rub" move on one of the girls and ultimately moved his head into her lap. "I'm so tired" he said, to which I responded "go to bed." The other guy just sat there in silent tension. I was in awe at his lack of game. I mean, fucking say something. Invite one of the girls into your room to show her your comic book collection. Anything. Instead, all he and his friend accomplished was a two-man-double-up-cock block. By separating me from the twenty-somethings the original two girls had also thrown a c-block. Everyone blocked everyone throughout the evening. John Madden with his digiboard couldn't have diagrammed the elaborate web of blocks that occured that Friday night/Saturday morning. I realized the stalemate I was in when 6am had approached and these two guys were just sitting there. One even asked if I had fallen asleep yet. Fuck you. I didn't ask to be brought there and if you think you're getting the better of me then kiss my ass. I may have low self-esteem, but I do have dignity, motherfucker.

Nothing happened the girls fell asleep, the guys went to their rooms (where they fucking should have been three hours earlier) and I fell asleep on the couch.

That morning's walk of shame took the form of a ride to my car. I got dropped off and went home, only to have to leave for a wedding in three hours. More on the wedding next post...

ONE OF THE ORIGINAL GIRLS, ME, AND SOME GUY WHO JUMPED INTO THE PICTURE