DAMMIT, WOMAN... GET YOUR SHOES OFF THE COUCH!

Check out this tanning bed. I bought a package of tans for the use of this bed last night for an undisclosed amount. The SS75 boasts special shoulder, sides, and face tanning bulbs, air conditioning, satellite radio access, and overhead controls. This thing is so powerful that it not only got rid of my cancer through a chemo-like process, but it also cooked the chicken pot pie I sat next to me in the bed. Hey, I've got to do everything I can to look good because unemployment checks are NOT aphrodisiacs.

IF YOU'VE EVER WANTED TO SEE WHAT I LOOK LIKE CHECKING IDs FOR THE SKYLAND PUB, THIS IS IT. THIS WAS THE LONGEST TIME I'D EVER SPENT IN A BAR WITHOUT HAVING A DRINK. I'M SCHEDULED FOR NEXT THURSDAY AS WELL. THANKS FOR THE WORK, SKYLAND.

IF YOU'VE EVER WANTED TO SEE WHAT I LOOK LIKE ON STAGE WHEN I DO LIGHTS FOR PERFECT IN PLASTIC, THIS IS IT. THIS WAS AT THE SATYRICON ON WHAT WAS THE DRUNKEST NIGHT I'D SEEN SINCE THE 4TH GRADE. I'M THE ONE IN THE CENTER

I know you don't smoke weed, I know this; but I'm gonna get you high today, 'cause it's Friday; you ain't got no job... and you ain't got shit to do! --Smokey to Craig in Friday (1995)

Well, the trifecta is complete. I've lost my girlfriend, my sports car (didn't lose it, but had to sell it), and as of last Thursday, my job (Jesus... my life is a goddamned country song).

Considering that this all occured in the span of three months and throw in the purchasing of a condo during that time frame and I've been a busy, stressed out guy.

I'm not angry about anything, though. My former employer gave me the opportunity to move from my Contracts Processor position to a full time Information Technology position and allowed me to learn my skills on the job. I went from knowing absolutely nothing about networking in January 2002 to becoming a Microsoft Certified Professional in September 2002, and now I'm competent enough to go out on my own and do work for some great companies who are gracious enough to throw work at me. Having that full time IT position really helped me to determine that this field is one that I want to get in to. I wanted to be in Public Relations when I got out of college in 2000. I guess I've never been one to have direction in my life.

I look at the future with great optimism. There will always be people with more money than computer knowledge, and I'll be there. There will always be girls with more looks than self esteem, and I'll be there. There will always be another Subaru SVX for me to purchase. Very few people have this kind of opportunity to start completely over in life. There will eventually be a time that I probably should grow up, settle down, etc. Nowis not that time. I'm 28, turning 29 in April. I quote from the Scriptures of Gooch:

I drink because I'm in my twenties. You can drink all that you want while you're in your twenties. You can pass out in your car, on someone's front lawn, or in detox, and no one cares--they chalk it up to youthful indiscretion. Pass out on someone's lawn when you're 30 or older, and your so-called "friends" will all show up at your house for an intervention.

I've got a fridge full of Coors Light, a tank full of gas, and a few girls' phone numbers. It's ready to bite the bullet and face life head on.

Right after I'm done watching the Simpsons.