Two months salary is the suggested guideline for what to spend on an engagement ring. In Oregon, three months' salary is the guideline to use when deciding how much to spend on illegal fireworks. You see, in Oregon we have laws against bottlerockets, M-80s, and anything else that flies and/or blows up. So deprived of these celebratory tools we are that some of us in Oregon feel the need to drive across the river into Washington to seek out things that go boom. We don't all have to do it. One person in every neighborhood typically designates himself as the one to spend about $1000 on fireworks at an indian reservation in WA. He won't hesitate to tell you how much he spent, because he'll repeat it over and over again as if he has a concussion. With a cigarette in his mouth, a Pabst Blue-Ribbon in one hand and a lit quarter-stick of dynamite in the other, the rest of the neighborhood watches him with the same anticipatory glee of a NASCAR fan. Sure it's fun to watch if everything goes as planned, but the high probability that someone will get maimed merely adds to the spirit of the Fourth.
Happy 4th of July, bitches.
GOOCH:out
