Gus Van Sant, director of Good Will Hunting arrested for DUI in Portland (CNN)

One of the cops involved should have said "How about them apples" during the arrest. Gee, Portland Oregon making national news again.

It's Christmas Eve-Eve.

Pee-Wee Herman Christmas Card, 2006

My friend Mike Henry, with whom I started in the writing world back in high school and mentioned in yesterday's blog, showed up in town for the holidays. We went out last night to some pretty mellow places. Got drunk, went home, I sent some drunken emails, passed out, now I gotta go to work.

Miss Nevada Dethroned for THESE PHOTOS [tmz.com]

You're welcome.

goochout

Christmas shopping: I bought my Mom an item then bought a bunch booze as gifts. I think I'm going on a gift certificate spree tonight. I think I got caught up in Christmas so early on (I had a tree before the 1st) that I forget that there's an actual holiday approaching.

MySpace: Isn't working right now.

Tanning: Went this morning, burned my face.

Diet and illness: So I'm kicking my own ass restricting calories and I get a stomach virus (or food poisoning... whatever) which caused me to throw up anything I ate? I can't eat any less; I need to keep down what little I do eat. If I have another South Beach Diet microwave meal I'm going to go on a shooting spree in the heart of South Beach (of course I'll spare my friend Mike Henry). Lost five more pounds in the last week, though.

Christmas Wish Run-on Sentence: I want a gawdamned Burgerville double-meat Tillamook cheeseburger with a double order of fries and, oh, about twenty tubs of the motherfucking special sauce that those cocksuckers started charging $.35/each for and I always forget to ask for them when I order so I have to ask for them at the window and if I don't have any cash I have to use my debit card for a $.70 purchase and I should just buy more than two but I always vow that this visit is my last Burgerville binge for a while and getting a surplus of sauces might sabotage that notion because... oh yeah... I'm gonna start working out tomorrow; this is my last hurrah... a fried orgy in my gut today and healthy living tomorrow because I will not buy ##in. waist pants but a binge today won't make a difference...

Trump vs. Frump: What the fuck is Donald Trump so pissed off at Rosie O'Dykel about? I'm looking into this. Yesterday I saw him going off on Rosie and, well, I couldn't agree more but when he threatened to send someone over to steal her girlfriend away from her... holy shit! If it's all real, I'm probably the biggest Trump fan ever as of... now. If it's not, and this is more contrived bullshit from a staged news conference, then fuck him.

I think my friend Chris did this video of my friend Nikki at a party last weekend. Here's my best friend for you:

I was so... fucking... sick yesterday. I think I feel better today. I couldn't sit up or stand up for more than a minute without passing out. If you look at the last blog I started losing it at the end... no "goochout" and I didn't format the last sentence to be normal sized font. all I did was click "publish" before I hit the couch. I haven't eaten since 8am yesterday morning. Right now I'm licking Theraflu residue from the bottom of my cup.

My ears ring... are you listenin'
forehead sweats... yes it's glistenin'
I puked all last night
This is starting to bite
Living in a Pepto coated land

I gotta work today. There's no getting around it. Those guys on Hood are probably dead, maybe you could send some of that sympathy my way?

I'm kidding. It's the daytime Theraflu talking.

I'm a dick!

goochout

Trump to Miss America: "You're Fine!"

Tara Connor granted a stay of execution during an awkward news conference hosted by Donald Trump. He couldn't fire her. I mean, after all, she needs to meet and have sex with Kyle Reese so that John Connor, leader of the Resistance against the machines can be born.

Oh... that was Sarah Connor?

Donald says she's an alcoholic even though she doesn't know it and no comment on the alleged cocaine use.

TMZ: Tara sinks Trump likes the ink

So we've got cocaine use, underage drinking, and making out with Miss Teen USA? Who better represents the US than this girl?




















THEY MADE OUT, ALLEGEDLY. I JERKED OFF TO THIS PICTURE AFTER I HEARD THAT, ALLEGEDLY .

THIS POST WILL BE UPDATED

This dude I know posted a blog that I like. Click HERE.

Well written and expresses a lot of my own feelings. I, personally, would have made references to prescription pills, strippers, and ultimately discussed retreating to a life sustained by pay-per-view smut; but that's me.

******
Bought water cooler service for my office today. I guess I can waste time standing around it and talking about last night's "Friends." How 1996 of me.

CNN: One climber found dead; two remain missing on mountain

Really unfortunate. Both with the Kim story and now this... we've had two opportunities for kickass happy endings and reality has to kick in.

I'LL SELL YOU THIS MUG

Went to an "ugly sweater" party last night (hence the picture, above). Drank a lot of whatever a bartender friend of mine was mixing. Oh, yeah... and Jager shots. I'm intrigued by the picture because it looks like a picture of me in high school, not a 32 year-old.

Looks like a weight loss ad... before and way before - Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri in Sopranos. Me and Nikki from June and December 2006, respectively. I'm so fucking sick of salads.

Woke up this morning and watched three episodes of Sopranos. Whenever Comcast puts new episodes on On Demand I'll piss away three hours a day until they're watched. Fuck, I love that show. I'm working on writing a full length column on how I believe they're going to end the series. Based on my knowledge of gangster films and their history, and consulting with a book I have on the subject, I think I'll be on the mark.

Gotta go to Mom's house for dinner.

gooch:out