No, it's not a scene from Faces of Death 18
7:30am: Wake up to hangover. Look around to see if anyone is or was in bed with me. Search folds of comforter for remote control and push play on VCR. Pleasure myself to a preloaded Dyanna Lauren video. Fall back asleep for another 20 minutes.
7:50am: Wake up again and try to decide whether to urinate or vomit into toilet first. Concede that this may be the most important decision of the day.
8:00am: Check voice mail and there are two messages: First message is the Gregster informing me that he will not be in his office today. Second message is a stripper friend faking an orgasm and telling me in explicit detail what she wants me to do to her and where my bodily fluids should reside after previously stated act. I wish she could've left the message without making reference to my "chubby ass," but I'll take what I can get. She's better than the last blow job you got. I guarantee it.
8:30am: throw on last night's clothes which smell like smoke, spilled beer, and strippers and go to Wal Mart which also smells like smoke, spilled beer, and strippers. I purchase cleaning items, smoked oysters, Oxy Pads, a newspaper, Wine (Shiraz), and bottled water.
8:50am: Read the comics page while sitting at my kitchen table eating clam chowder mixed with smoked oysters. I continue to read until a comic makes me laugh out loud. Today it was Mother Goose and Grimm.
9:00am: Clean bathroom and haul computer equipment from downstairs hallway to office upstairs. Start to lose focus and sit in front of computer long enough to write this blog. Today will be interesting, I feel. I have no idea why. I'll keep you posted.
goochout
