A verbatim quote from a text message I received last night. Actually, I'll print what I sent via SMS (asking what time I should show up to help this person move), and after that, the response:

GOOCH:
Subject: Moving tomnorrow?
Body: Still? What time?

Girl For Whom I Was Going To Ditch Work and Help Move:
Fuck off u god dam flake learn 2 do shit u say ur goin 2 do i
dnt and wont deal with peep sayin their goin 2 do somthan
lose my number and get lost

I guess I didn't call her back one morning last week. All of the misspellings, including mine were directly from the text message logs on my phone. I responded to that message with the following regarding a planned trip to the Coast:

GOOCH:
Subject: Casino
Body: Are we still on for the 3rd then?

God Dammit! She's probably going to remove me from her Top Eight on MySpace. The humanity!

I went out for drinks with a friend last night and ended up sleeping in the office where I work (on my kickass hideabed) so that I could deliver a computer and, since I don't have to help move today, work with Gregster.

iamgoochbitch.
out.

I was at a sushi restaurant with Greg and at a booth near us there was a woman asking for an "ingredient list" or "a menu that shows everything and what's in it." She explained to the hostess, to whom english wasn't a first language, that she "can't eat anything raw." At one point, later on, her friends had to explain that the shrimp was cooked because otherwise it would be gray and not pink.

What a pain in the ass. I fucking hate people that have dietary issues and therefore need to bombard some $8/hour waitress with questions about the minute details of her employer's menu.

"Now... are these tortillas gluten free?"
"How many carbs are in these sweet rolls?"
"Does this pad thai have peanuts in it... because I'm allergic."

Then there's the really fucking fat people making a big deal about how they're on a "restricted diet" and may need to "speak with the manager" regarding certain menu items to ensure that they're okay to eat.

Unfuckingreal.

I eat a lot of sushi, I just determined. When I go to heaven there will be a table. At that table will be a box set of South Park, a sushi carousel, and a bottle of Jack Daniels.

goochout.

I never, ever, like Brandy. One of the most arrogant teen pop sensations on the planet. I saw her on TV once and she had a body guard yelling at someone on the phone for what seemed like an eternity... just showboating for the camera because she's such a big star that she has someone yelling at hotel staff to get her way. She sucks. I hope she dies. I hope she dies as horrible a death as the person she fucking killed in December during a car crash.

Click HERE for the story (TMZ).

Oh, hi Sarah M. and Jenn E.

TIGGER PLEASE.

Showed up at a client's office this morning. There's about 40 people here and I had multiple complaints about not being able to print. Problem?

Printer wasn't turned on. There's two lessons to be learned from this:

1) A little legwork on your part can save time and money.
2) You can make a living pointing out the obvious to people.

Here's what I'll be doing for the State of the Union speech tonight:
http://www.drinkinggame.us/

I went to high school with this guy.

goochOUT