I'll never write anything as good as that again. Okay... someday I will. I've stayed sober for over a week... I drank, but I've not done the crazed liver assault that would have typically happened by mid-week. Clarity is a motherfucker, but making an ass of yourself and trying to remember what you did the next day is no way to go through life. I think that I've suffered for nearly eight months from heartache. I never dealt with it other than with drinking. I've tried to move on by dating good looking girls, but I always ended it because I was too hurt over my ex - or they ended it because they sensed the same thing. Also, this is a small town and when you date enough girls they end up hanging out with each other, which drives me fucking nuts; talking about me the same way old ladies talk about laundry detergent or carpet cleaner... I'm not an appliance. I'm also not a role model. Read the "Breakup Column" linked above and know that It's the rantings of a bitter man who'd just come to the conclusion that the world is screwed up and your worst fears will always be realized. If you think your girlfriend or someone you're dating stood you up to fuck a guy... just act like you know it happened. They won't deny it, likely. If you think it happened, it probably did. Don't kid yourself... don't become your own worst enemy. Follow your heart? Your heart is a fucking idiot. Your friends know best. Better yet, follow your dick and put a ball gag on your heart and throw it in a box... like the Gimp in Pulp Fiction. Only pull your heart out for special occassions, like a kid's birthday or something. Sobriety sucks... but it's necessary. Moderation is the key. I no longer have to drink myself passed out in order to get through the night or even simply be social. Whatever happened and is happening this week is a series of events that has knocked me from a depressed funk to being, well, angry. My best friend in the fucking world just said to me: "It's easier to be angry than sad. Maybe not easier, but it looks cooler."
I... I think I'm back. I became ordained online and am honored to be performing a wedding ceremony for YMike and his fiancee Jenna. They're getting married on my parents' wedding anniversary. My parents marriage... another reason I'm screwed up. Maybe last weekend and this weekend are so absurdly surreal that they were meant to give me a message to shut the fuck up and move on. I feel like jogging, just running as fast as I can for as long as I can. That would last about 20 seconds. I've got to get the day started. I'm pumped. I'm energized. I'm moderately sober.
I'm Gooch, dammit.
