You've got to be fucking kidding me...

I can't believe that Oprah is actually excusing the cooking of a child through simple neglect. If a poor black person did this to her kid, it would have been considered child abuse and someone would have been arrested. A rich white woman gets celebrated on Oprah. Cook your kid, get a free trip to Chicago.

An Overwhelmed Mom's Deadly Mistake

Overwhelmed? Fuck you. Overwhelmed by choice, maybe. Take care of your kids. Maybe the second income isn't more important than the safety of your children. Truth is, if it was the family dog that died from being left in the car, there may have been some legal ramifications. No one's getting on Oprah for killing a dog, just for killing their kids. Michael Vick is in jail for fucking up a bunch of dogs, and Oprah's hugging a baby killer.

'the fuck?

goochout.

All Groweds Up!

Jessie Itzler used to be known as rapper Jesse Jaymes. "Shake It Like a White Girl" and "College Girls Are Easy" were his two hits that landed on MTV and on a Cassette Single that I bought a long time ago (yes, I'm old). Apparently he's doing well for himself as an airline entrepreneur:

Forty Under 40: Jesse Itzler

Jesse Jaymes' music video for "College Girls are Easy:"

R.I.P.

Frank "Lefty" Rosenthal dead at 79 (LA Times)

Frank "Lefty" Rosenthal, the onetime Chicago bookmaker who ran four Las Vegas casinos in the 1970s and whose turbulent life and near-death experience with a car bomb inspired the movie "Casino," has died. He was 79.

Speaking of gambling (shitty segue, I'm aware), Here's a picture of me and my cousin, April, at the roulette table in Reno. Guess which one of us is winning:

After lunch...

Gregster and I were talking about phone pranks when I remembered this gem:

Taking Over The Fred Meyer Phone System.

Fun stuff.

goochout

Almost quitting time...

I was looking for this clip when I found the previous Kyra Phillips clip. This one, which you may have already seen, has her calling a guest a C-Bomb. Check it out:

Totally reminds me of a scene in South Park where Jimmy tries to tell Wendy that she's "a continuing source of inspiration" to Stan, but keeps repeating "a cont... a cont... a cont..."

I quote South Park the way some people quote the bible. I'm a big bundle of maturity.

Here's a Letterman Top Ten with regards to the bathroom incident:

gooch:out

Lunch Time...

I'm totally grubbing on overpriced downtown cuisine right now. I'm eating a "poor boy" sandwich ironically priced at $6. Add chips and a soda and I've spent 5 times what I spent on cooking dinner for myself last night.

Purchased 12 bottles of wine for the wine fridge last night. Also vacuumed the top layer of soil off of the carpet. Needs another couple of runs to go for sure. My carpet is like an archaeological expedition into the partying of the last five years. Each stain, spot, and inexplicable discoloration has a story behind it.

I've got a podcast brewing in my gut. Need to get it out there; maybe after soccer tonight.

Hi Theresa! I'm doing fine. Love you!

Here's something funny: CNN's Kyra Phillips leaves her microphone on during a Bush speech.

Morning Wood...

Porn Star Lisa Ann as "Serra Paylin" from Hustlers upcoming epic: "Nailin' Paylin"

What an uncanny likeness.

Link to an excerpt from the script HERE

Back to work.

goochout.

Science News...

Reuters: New material pushes the boundary of blackness

Wesley Snipes has met his match.

Heh,

goochout.

Back to the grill...

I'm shirking all work obligations in an effort to get domesticated tonight. Primarily because a friend of mine almost cried when she saw my house when she came over to take care of the cat three days ago.

So I'll take care of the house, put something besides condiments in the fridge, put some wine in my empty wine fridge.

A girl I've been dating may stumble on this site soon. She's smart, she can Google, she can spell my last name. I've asked her not to visit the site. I feel the temptation is overwhelming and she'll ultimately ignore my wishes. If this site cockblocks me I swear to God I'm pulling the plug.

Of course, people can't help but love me with my five year old epic: The Breakup Column. It's a timeless piece that holds up after two additional failed relationships. Girls that I date either love it or find me a little jaded and undesirable after reading it.

Others think I should write something new and not hold on to a piece of unpublished writing that's half a decade old. And by "others," I mean me.

Some people play "hard to get." I play "hard to want." - Andrew Dice Clay. I think.

I am Gooch, hear me bore.

out.

Morning Wood...

Nigella Lawson.

I guess she cooks stuff(?) - She bakes, has a huge rack and is sponsored by Sara Lee. Put a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a universal remote in the other, and you have the perfect wife.

Good:Morning

Gooch:Out