Major Nidal Malik Hasan, the shooter at the Fort Hood massacre was seen the morning of the shooting smiling as he purchased his usual morning coffee. Maybe they accidentally sold him decaf that day.
Oh, too soon?
Salaam... indeed.
gooch:out
Friday, November 06, 2009
Best Of...
From August 7, 2002:
I think that it would be cool to date a homeless chick. You'd have no problem getting her to your place... where else is she going to go? I could even use the pick up line: "My place... or mine." The last thing she ate would probably be something like dog food from a can, so it's not like she'd expect a fancy dinner. I'd probably splurge for Burger King... or Sizzler. When the date's over, I could drop her off anywhere. It'd be dating with an emphasis on economy and convenience.
I think that it would be cool to date a homeless chick. You'd have no problem getting her to your place... where else is she going to go? I could even use the pick up line: "My place... or mine." The last thing she ate would probably be something like dog food from a can, so it's not like she'd expect a fancy dinner. I'd probably splurge for Burger King... or Sizzler. When the date's over, I could drop her off anywhere. It'd be dating with an emphasis on economy and convenience.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
Best Of...
From December 6, 2002:
Ah... the list format column. My favorite kind. I can just see myself living in my apartment with my freshly ex-girlfriend drinking a Coors Light and thinking this shit up.
You Might Be the Gooch If...
You've ever bought a large pizza for dinner on Friday and planned to have the leftovers for next day's breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
If the above mentioned pizza didn't make it through midnight.
If you've ever pleasured yourself to workout videos.
If you've ever filed an insurance claim to get beer stains out of your car's upholstery.
If you've ever taken Trojan Enz condoms, zip ties, duct tape, and Gatorade through a checkout
line to impress a hot cashier.
If you've ever had a restraining order against you from a hot cashier.
If you go through three cellular phones a year.
If you have your old fake ID framed and hanging on your wall.
If you've ever been out of breath after walking from your car to the front door of the gym.
If you've ever rewarded yourself for a good workout by ordering five cheese burgers at McDonalds.
If you've ever studied for a Rorschach test.
If you've ever failed a Rorschach test.
If you've ever taken a breathalyzer test in an attempt to get a high score.
If you've ever used a Listerine breath strip in lieu of brushing your teeth.
If you still brag about your high score on Frogger.
If you've ever embarrassed your friends and family by appearing cable access three times.
If you've ever turned down an apartment because the location didn't have DSL service.
If you've ever driven a car with flames painted on the front.
If you've ever pissed away an exhorbitant amount of time on your personal website.
Ah... the list format column. My favorite kind. I can just see myself living in my apartment with my freshly ex-girlfriend drinking a Coors Light and thinking this shit up.
You Might Be the Gooch If...
You've ever bought a large pizza for dinner on Friday and planned to have the leftovers for next day's breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
If the above mentioned pizza didn't make it through midnight.
If you've ever pleasured yourself to workout videos.
If you've ever filed an insurance claim to get beer stains out of your car's upholstery.
If you've ever taken Trojan Enz condoms, zip ties, duct tape, and Gatorade through a checkout
line to impress a hot cashier.
If you've ever had a restraining order against you from a hot cashier.
If you go through three cellular phones a year.
If you have your old fake ID framed and hanging on your wall.
If you've ever been out of breath after walking from your car to the front door of the gym.
If you've ever rewarded yourself for a good workout by ordering five cheese burgers at McDonalds.
If you've ever studied for a Rorschach test.
If you've ever failed a Rorschach test.
If you've ever taken a breathalyzer test in an attempt to get a high score.
If you've ever used a Listerine breath strip in lieu of brushing your teeth.
If you still brag about your high score on Frogger.
If you've ever embarrassed your friends and family by appearing cable access three times.
If you've ever turned down an apartment because the location didn't have DSL service.
If you've ever driven a car with flames painted on the front.
If you've ever pissed away an exhorbitant amount of time on your personal website.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Best Of...
From May 1st, 2001:
I got reviewed by the now defunct Netsurf.com. I also was trying to be a public relations person at the time, should the references to my promoting anything confuse you.
The Gooch
John "Gooch" Gallucci is a journalist/columnist. He uses his Web site as a forum for his daily rants and to archive almost all his published work. His discussion is lively, with some gossip and shamelessslurring and the odd pitching of ideas such as his gayversion of "Survivor" called "The Real Gay World". Youcan even hire him to get your band/event up and pumping. All things considered, the site isconsiderably more entertaining than you'd expect fromsomeone who willingly uses the nickname "Gooch".
I got reviewed by the now defunct Netsurf.com. I also was trying to be a public relations person at the time, should the references to my promoting anything confuse you.
The Gooch
John "Gooch" Gallucci is a journalist/columnist. He uses his Web site as a forum for his daily rants and to archive almost all his published work. His discussion is lively, with some gossip and shamelessslurring and the odd pitching of ideas such as his gayversion of "Survivor" called "The Real Gay World". Youcan even hire him to get your band/event up and pumping. All things considered, the site isconsiderably more entertaining than you'd expect fromsomeone who willingly uses the nickname "Gooch".
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Document the Irony.
Penny Flame, from "Sex Rehab"Last night, "Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew" debuted on VH-1. It documents the rehabilitation efforts of semi celebrities who compulsively and uncontrollably masturbate and have sex, hindering their ability to have successful, loving relationships. I must have jerked off six or seven times during the course of the show. I felt like such a degenerate. You can't put that many hot chicks into a dorm talking about how much they like to fuck and/or jerk off without some negative consequence to the home viewer. And by negative consequence, I mean a sore forearm.
It's not the first time that a reality show has had a contagious effect on me. I've already said that I was going to buy and store a thousand copies of the show "Hoarders" when if they release it on DVD for the sake of being ironic.
While watching DJ AM's show "Gone Too Far" where the recently overdosed and deceased DJ helps people with their drug issues by coordinating interventions, I once washed down a Xanax with a bottle of wine as I held a Valentine card given to me by one of my ex-girlfriends.
The only thing left for me to do is somehow rob a convenience store while watching COPS.
gooch:out.
It's not the first time that a reality show has had a contagious effect on me. I've already said that I was going to buy and store a thousand copies of the show "Hoarders" when if they release it on DVD for the sake of being ironic.
While watching DJ AM's show "Gone Too Far" where the recently overdosed and deceased DJ helps people with their drug issues by coordinating interventions, I once washed down a Xanax with a bottle of wine as I held a Valentine card given to me by one of my ex-girlfriends.
The only thing left for me to do is somehow rob a convenience store while watching COPS.
gooch:out.
Best Of...
September 18th, 2001:
Not to sound incredibly shallow during this time of American tragedy and crisis... But has anyone else gained like fiftyfuckingpounds from sitting on their asses, eating, and watching the news for the last seven days? Jesus. Someone get me a goddamned mumu. Every morning while my girlfriend is on her way to work, my Mom is in NY working 14 hours a day for the Red Cross, and a nation mourns... I'm in bed with an ice cream sandwich or a bunch of frozen cheese-cake treats waiting for a war to start.
Not to sound incredibly shallow during this time of American tragedy and crisis... But has anyone else gained like fiftyfuckingpounds from sitting on their asses, eating, and watching the news for the last seven days? Jesus. Someone get me a goddamned mumu. Every morning while my girlfriend is on her way to work, my Mom is in NY working 14 hours a day for the Red Cross, and a nation mourns... I'm in bed with an ice cream sandwich or a bunch of frozen cheese-cake treats waiting for a war to start.
Monday, November 02, 2009
Schadenfreude
UPDATE: The forklift driver was allegedly drunk and that was about $150,000 worth of booze destroyed because the driver had to go back and to the left. Like JFK's head.
Schadenfreude: Pleasure derived from the misfortune of others.
The following scene takes place at a vodka distributorship (taken from geekologie site):
EMBED-Bringing Down The Warehouse - Watch more free videos
Schadenfreude: Pleasure derived from the misfortune of others.
The following scene takes place at a vodka distributorship (taken from geekologie site):
EMBED-Bringing Down The Warehouse - Watch more free videos
Best of...
From November 16, 2001:
Pretty Good Joke (as retold by Gooch):
Ethel and Jed lived in the same nursing home for a number of years and had recently become "intimate." Unfortunately, Jed couldn't move too well, so Ethel would give him sexual gratification through the means of a "hand job."
This romance went on for a while until one day when Ethel walked in on Jed and Velma together - Velma was servicing Jed with her hand much in the same way that Ethel normally would.
Ethel yelled at Jed and Velma for ten minutes and finally turned to Jed and asked: "What does Velma have that I don't?!?!?"
Jed looked up, smiled a bit and said "Parkinson's."
Pretty Good Joke (as retold by Gooch):
Ethel and Jed lived in the same nursing home for a number of years and had recently become "intimate." Unfortunately, Jed couldn't move too well, so Ethel would give him sexual gratification through the means of a "hand job."
This romance went on for a while until one day when Ethel walked in on Jed and Velma together - Velma was servicing Jed with her hand much in the same way that Ethel normally would.
Ethel yelled at Jed and Velma for ten minutes and finally turned to Jed and asked: "What does Velma have that I don't?!?!?"
Jed looked up, smiled a bit and said "Parkinson's."