gooch: the podcast #6

Gooch plays three separate clips of his drunken phone calls/audio posts. Included are: Drunken morning after voice mail from Vegas, the morning after the Wedding in Silverton, Oregon, and the "Cunnilingus Interview" involving two strippers in a strip club dressing room.

Morning Wouldn't...

I had a profound evening last night. I think the stars and moon have in fact aligned and that I'll be okay. I may even begin to be less of an asshole. I'm at peace with the world. I can hold my head high. I believe that children are the future. Hands across america. We are the world. Do they know it's Christmas?

People might even like me sober.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Woke up early this morning. Heading to the gym for some tanning, cardio, and to maybe increase the caliber of my guns. I might even pay a bill or two on time today. Is that a bluebird sitting on my shoulder? Am I just simply manic? We'll find out as the day goes on!

I looked it up and apparently the new 90210 sucked an unbelievable amount of ass Tuesday night. I loved the original 90210 but could barely watch the last few episodes because of the immense jumpthesharkage that had accumulated over final seasons.

Going to the gym to work on my fitness.

Or lack thereof.

UPDATE: forgot to post this. I'm back from the gym. I lost almost 3 pounds since Tuesday; possibly thanks to my not eating lunch this week. Ramadan could be Arabic for "drop some ellbees you fat fuck."

gooch:monolingual. and out.

Fuck Yeah!

Fox News: The Boys of 'Entourage' are Back.

This Sunday at 10pm. You know where I'll be. Actually, probably hanging with Marty. I'll have it on DVR, though.

Lunch Time...

TMZ: Sarah Palin Lookalikes

And at the 11:11...

Interview of Two Bisexual Strippers



I got into a conversation with two strippers about their, well, vagina eating habits. Naturally, the audio is somewhat acceptable and NSFW. That said: sit back, grab a loved one, and embrace the fly-on-the-wall-ness of my conversation with two 20-year-old strippers. If I'm slurring my words, it's only because I'm shitfaced while I ask the questions. Funny ending, though.

goochout.

Slice of Gooch...

It's probably good for me, on a date, not to mention that I have a light saber on my living room wall.

It's also wise not to mention that you're friends with almost all of your ex girlfriends.

It's also smart to never, ever, mention that I have this website.

I'm not Muslim, but a few of my friends are. The Muslim rite of Ramadan occurs this month. This means that they can't eat during the day (sunrise to sunset). In a way to show solidarity with my Muslim brothers, I've given up lunch this month. It helps that Gregster (lunch buddy #1) is out of town for a while. Between me not eating lunch, Greg being out of town, and Alex (my Muslim lunch buddy #2) not eating - the entire sushi industry in Portland may take an ugly downturn.

******

I decided to consumate McCain's selection for VP with a good, you know, tug. Then I realized that Sarah Palin sort of looks like my ex's Mom. Made the whole setting weird. Resorted back to internet porn. Then wept.

Gooch:Out

Morning Wood...

Meghan and Cindy McCain.

I'd let Cindy hold the video cam for a while and then, you know, join in if she wanted. I like the hand-held camera shots for their cinema-verite "feel."

I used to have a crush on the Bush daughters. I guess I vote Democrat but bang Republican.

Aren't I the worst?!

gooch: the podcast #5

A discussion of the wedding experience, a discussion of my drinking and self esteem issues, and other shit that will make you laugh. The first half is sort of okay, the last part is better. I'm still practicing at this and I'm pissed that you could play a drinking game every time I say "um" or "uh." Fuck it. Just push play.



goochout

Morning Wood...

Sarah Palin. She has five kids and I swear to God I'll give her a sixth. Christ... she's only 10 years older than me and she's the mayor of Alaska, a small village north of Canada. I bet if McCain gets elected, Palin will answer to Vice President Milfenstein.

Lunch Time...

I know it's Labor day, but for those of you (like me) who have to work today, here's something to get you by. I must have subscribed to some health email list put out by RealAge and the subject of one of the mass emailings I received a few days ago made me laugh:

Health tip? Or really, really gay pickup line?

I'd say the latter.

gooch:out

And at the 11:11...

Click this: The Gooch for President.