I've decided that I'm a self-loathing egomaniac. I suppose that means I believe that I hate myself better than anyone else.

I changed the template on this page. It will likely change again soon. What is that... a house in the upper left hand corner? What does that have to do with anything?

I'm returning to DJ at Montego's this Friday. I know that the long, slow burn of desire to see me up in my DJ Booth glory has reached the point of white-hotness. I will, this Friday, give the public what they crave. Which is, you know, me getting so drunk that I mumble shit over the mic at 1:30am and have to be driven home.

If you click the "Call Me" button and insert your name and phone number, a service will call you and then call me, ultimately connecting us. This enables the public to call me without revealing my phone number. This is ridiculous on many levels. Mostly, if you're reading this site... you probably have my phone number already. It also implies that I want random phone calls from strangers throughout the day.

goochout.

Here's a picture of that Oregon Mayor that got recalled. I guess she doesn't like to be referred to as "Mayor Butterface." And... her name is not "Mayor MILFenstein" as was originally reported.

A woman was found dead in the pond at Laurelhurst Park, near where I grew up in Portland. The deceased carefully placed her things under a bush and entered the water (the filthiest body of water in the city, save for my bath water). No foul play was involved, according to police. The ducks migrate South (I'm assuming) for the winter, so no fowl play was involved either, according to police.

I saw the woman's obituary in the paper yesterday. It said she died in an "accidental drowning."

Say what? I mean... it was pretty much a suicide, right? No one swims in Laurelhurst pond. As children who frequented the park, we knew not to touch the water. If someone fell in (or even a body part) to the water, you went home immediately to wash. What outsiders saw as a pleasant body of water was seen to area residents as a goddamned duck toilet.

So when something in print says "accidental drowning," one must ask: "Was she going for a swim?" Was the YMCA not open at that hour? Can you write whatever you want in an obituary? If you can just make your obit up, I will just do it now and make up a cool cause of death. Instead of "liver failure," or "self-inflicted smothering with a pillow," it will read "...died of smoke inhalation after pulling kids out of a burning orphanage." Or, "wrapped his kickass Ferarri around a telephone pole at 3am." I'm going to start writing it now.

I actually did "kill" myself about seven years ago on the internet. I replaced my website with a fake Oregonian news story. Check it out... GOOCH FLASHBACK

goochout

The greatest desk... ever.

Had a good weekend. Did a lot of work... went to a birthday party (happy birthday, Betsy), returned that motherfucking HD-DVD playet to Costco (fuck you, Toshiba). Played some Guitar Hero for the first time on Saturday night. That's fun... I think Guitar Hero is just for kids who are too fat to play Dance Dance Revolution.

It was a full weekend. Nothing productive... just full.

I'm going to bed.

goochout.