My friend sells shoes at Nordstrom's. I ordered some shoes from him and I'm wearing them for the first time. They're heaven. It feels like underage Vietnamese prostitutes are massaging my feet. This is so awesome. I'm three beers into the evening. I'm wearing my gayest shirt yet. I'm sure it will get me laid, though. I'm hanging out with, like, three or four ex-girlfriends tonight. Instead of "A Christmas Tale" it's "A Gooch's Tale" featuring the ghosts of vagina past. I've been warned by a few to not get drunk and "be a dick" tonight; I think I'll refrain. How can I be a dick in a shirt this gay?

GOOCH:out on his best behavior.

I taught a girl how to burn her own CDs last night. There's nothing hotter than watching a girl rip and burn her own discs. Could media piracy be the ultimate aphrodisiac? If you answer to the name "Gooch," then probably yes.

Mystery News Story from Jenna, click HERE

Mystery DVD release from Mary-Suzanne, click HERE

I would never publicly state that I hate the orange cat that lives next door yet constantly enters my house. Hair balls and items pushed out of place, plus waking from a nap to see the little fucker staring at me (scaring the shit out of both of us). I'm not saying I hate it, but if anyone needs to dispose of antifreeze I've placed a large bowl near the front of my condo.

Quote of the day: "I'm not used to seeing a Gallucci walk through that door before 10am" - My Dad's receptionist regarding my 8am service call. I've actually done more before 11am than I usually do all day.

I'm probably going to the zoo with my friend and his son today. All I have to do is get a Michigan office set up on email and I'm free for the day. Sweet.

My newest addition to the office: an "Atari Games" blue-flourescent lit glass sign. Fucking sweet, yo.

Parties I missed yesterday due to work and an overactive sleeping gland: Bako's; April J (happy birthday), Kyle Mangino's bachelor party, and Jess Gillies, at whose house my Jello snorting took place.

As I write this, I'm not wearing pants.

Working from home tomorrow; might go to the zoo with some friends. Should have gone to the beach today, but my house had sunk to dirty levels beneath even my threshold. GOOCH:out