01/16/02 - GOOCH FAN SUSPENDED - Ashley of Temecula, CA was suspended for four
days from Temecula Valley High School, "since I love GOOCH so much I brought a boom
box to lunch and played it so loud that the principle caught me and suspended me for 4
days. But even though I did get suspened it was well worth it! GOOCH KICKS ASS!!!"

Of course, this isn't about me. It's about GOOCH, the band. Check out their site: www.goochband.com

Good Effort on the hits. I'm sitting here, listening to the Phil Hendrie Show. Check out his site. Funny stuff.

Website Marketing tip (when you're absolutely desperate for hits) #349:

Don't be the only ass on your site.

My birthday is 17 days away. My birthday wish? To have my counter hit 10,000 by April 19. Impossible? Likely. However, tell your friends about this site. Tell them you love it. Tell them I write some pretty dumb jokes. I can't possibly give a shit what you tell them. Tell them to hit this site every goddamned day. The updates will suck this week because I'm in classes until late every night, but next week should be nonstop hilarity as I'm starting a workout regimen with a personal trainer. I'm thinking about getting an impersonal trainer because it's cheaper:

"Hey, fat kid, what's your name again? Do 30 minutes on the treadmill."

You see, he didn't remember my name because he's an impersonal trainer.

As a visitor to this site, you can get that kind of comedy almost every day! Your friends will love it.

If someone does want to buy me something for my birthday, I'd like a Xanaxlover.com hat. I don't get a price break, and neither will you. Check out the Merchandise page.

Boy, I'm a gloomy gus. Must be the lack of sleep. I'm only getting eight or nine hours of sleep a night.

I'm barely functioning.

My condolences to my friend Bill, whose wife smothered herself with a pillow last Saturday. I only hope that she went quickly. She's in a better place, now.

Buy my merchandise. Bill's dead wife would want it that way. Click HERE

If you're trying to decide how to tell your kid(s) that there's no such thing as the Easter bunny, tell them that he does exist, or did exist and show them the following picture... an explanation as to why there won't be any candy in the basket next year:

(Thanks to The Patch for sending the picture).