A Fully Poseable Action Writer

It's good to know that in times of international crisis, there are toys that can help children cope with their feelings. Gooch, A Real American Hero action figures should hit major toy stores in time for the Christmas 2001 shopping season.

The toy is not only more articulate (physically and verbally) than its namesake, but it teaches kids that the best way to deal with life's (and the nation's) problems is to take a shitload full of Paxil, put on a black jumpsuit, and kick some ass. The Gooch action figure comes complete with kung-fu sarcasm and swivel arm battle grip; accessories like a miniature laptop computer, little prescription bottles, and an Uzi (pictured).

The Play Website Activity Set and the Gooch action vehicle, "GOOCH-1" sold separately.

If you can't read the photo, someone wrote "HIJACK THIS FAGS" on a bomb headed for Afghanistan.

The Human Rights Campaign, a gay rights group, complained about the bomb's message. Rear Adm. Stephen Pietropaoli, in a letter to the group Wednesday, said the Navy does not tolerate discrimination and the bomb's message was an ``isolated incident.'' Rear (giggle giggle) Admiral Pietropaoli, later went on to say that he "likes fags" and said that he "has fag friends."

The Sailor from The Village People was unavailable for comment. Click on this LINK for the full story from Yahoo.

Yesterday, I wrote about my thoughts on Michael Jackson. The bigwigs in the entertainment industry have taken note of my rants and are treating Jacko the way he should be treated: Click Here for the story.

Today, my Mother called me to let me know that she was alright. I hadn't seen the national news, but she informed me that the Red Cross (Brooklyn Branch, in which she's stationed) was evacuated due to a strange white powder found in the building's cafeteria.

A hazardous materials (HAZ-MAT) team was called in for cleanup and testing, but didn't arrive fast enough as New Yorker Darryl Strawberry quickly arrived at the scene and snorted the mysterious substance. Mom didn't get his autograph.

Needless to say, Mom's living situation is volatile, to put it mildly. Between lockdowns in her hotel room, bomb threats at the courthouse across the street, white powder in the lunch room, and packs of cigarettes that cost up to $6.00 a pack, she's stressed out. She's contemplating NY's widely available (and cheaper-than-nicotine) crack cocaine, which won't calm her nerves, but will make her the most productive member of the Red Cross.

Love you, Mom.

Wanna scare the kids? Send them to Yahoo Germany. Did I mention that the German language scares the shit out of me? Nothing said in German sounds pleasant. Okay, maybe Wayne Newton singing Danke Chene (fuckoff. I don't know how to spell too many words in that evil language). Other than that, it's the gold tooth collecting, phlegm producing, concentration camp counselor language that I've grown to hate. Not the German people, just their spooky goddamned language.

Michael Jackson's got a new video (or short film, as the opening credits announce). All star cast: Marlon Brando, Chris Tucker, Michael Madsen, and others.

Brando did what he does in most of his films: sat down, said three lines (said them, not did them), and likely got paid a billion dollars for it. Tucker? He repeated "Michael!" about four times for his contribution. Michael Madsen would have done more for the film if he cut someone's ear off (or gouged my eyes out, so as to give me a reason not to watch the whole vid) as he did in Reservoir Dogs.

Jacko is a child molestor. He is a mentally ill wack job that, if it wasn't for his fame and large amounts of cash, would be in prison like all of the other child molestors in this country who get caught. If you wonder what dangerous people would be like if they had a ton of money... check out MJ. Jackson is the Lex Luthor of child molestors. Predatory child molestors often hang out at amusement parks... Jackson built one in his front yard. That's convenient. I get up in the morning and look out my front door trying to find the newspaper, Jackson looks out his front door trying to lure some kid into his house for a 'touching game'.

How much money does it take for these actors to associate themselves with Jackson? Shame on them. Oh... he wasn't convicted?. Bullshit. Ask any parent if they would allow their kid to hang out with MJ alone in a room for two hours. If they say 'yes,' lock them up, too.

Gotta get to my real job. you see where I'm going with this. Email me HERE if you disagree with anything I have said in this log. I won't write more about this because I absolutely can't and don't give a shit about Michael Jackson or his goofy family. Just a passing thought since I hadn't posted anything in a short while.

I want to say thank you to my fans in Malaysia and Florida who have sent me letters in envelopes filled with flour. I guess I'll have to learn how to bake.

Word. This site is up to 1997 technology! Check out GoochRadio. I've started putting little rants to audio. I'm obiously learning this stuff, but it'll get better. Nothing to say. Gooch: out.