Six Examples of Misleading Headlines

When I wrote for publications (all, you know, three or four in my lifetime) I took pride in my headlines. I knew that a good headline was paramount in getting people to read your stories. I tried to make them catchy and interesting, but never misleading.

I've run into a few stories lately where the headline is completely misleading. Here's some examples:

Miss USA Rima Fakih Once Won Radio Stripping Contest in 2007

Sounds like the new Miss USA took her clothes off, right?
From the actual story: "Fakih did not actually take her clothes off. She just bumped and grinded on stage with a stripper pole.

Again? MAX train leaves 4-year-old boy at station Sunday night‎
Normally, the Oregonian kisses TriMet's ass, constantly painting Portland's mass transit provider in a positive light almost as if they were a PR firm cutting out the middle man. I found this headline a bit inflammatory in that the accompanying video looked more like a 4-year-old wasn't attended to properly and ran off the MAX right before the doors closed. The next day the headline for the EXACT SAME STORY was changed to:
Distracted riding? Video shows 4-year-old darted off MAX train while dad talked on cell phone

These are the only two examples I could come up with that I'd seen recently. I guess it's important to read the full story and not judge a situation by someone's inability to convey a situation in the constraints of a short headline.

Gooch:Out

The Day the Laughter Died

I've sort of hit a bad patch. It's sort of a mixed blessing, but nonetheless whatthefuck-worthy. In some sort of Kafka-esque transformation, I've lost the ability to drink.

It started earlier this week as I tried to sip some tequila before dinner at a friend's. Within an hour of my first sip, I was finding creative ways to pour my tequila into my two friends' glasses (I'll be damned if I'm going to waste Patron).

The deterrent/obstacle to my inebriation is some sort of tension headache brought on after about two drinks' worth of booze is consumed. I can sip a beer over the course of a sporting event, but gone are the days of my normal consumption, it would seem. At least for now.

I'm also drinking about a gallon of water a day due to an unquenchable thirst. Some people have suggested that diabetes might be lingering. I argue, of course, that just because a dude is fat and drinks a lot of water and urinates a lot does not mean he might have diabetes.

It, of course, damn well could mean that. But whatever.

Anyways, knowing that alcohol makes up a good 85% of my personality, it's going to be interesting to go through the weekend with any measurable lucidity. How will I explain it to people? I haven't thought of anything interesting or dare I say 'funny' in two weeks. I blame this on my birthday somehow.

Anyways.