What the fuck am I drinking? I ordered a tall-sugar-free-vanilla-latte and the flavoring they actually squirted into my beverage tastes like a delicate blend of oranges, chemicals, and ass.

That's it... ass.

I was going to write something meaningful; a poem, a song perhaps... my recently discovered cure for cancer (I think it even works on AIDS, too). Fuck it. Starbucks screwed it up for everybody.

I had sushi today and stuck to my five plate limit. I haven't gained weight but I need to lose some more because the girl I'm dating doesn't dig on fat guys too much. I only know this because she told me this the first day I met her and...

Orange. They started squirting orange into it, realized their mistake, then pumped my standard and oft requested sugar free vanilla flavoring into it. Those degenerate hippie baristas think I won't notice that my latte tastes like DayQuil?

I've been pretty bummed out lately. I seem to go through these peaks and valleys of elation and sadness, which is indicative of bipolar disorder, for which I've been diagnosed. Mental illness is gay. I would rather admit to childhood bedwetting than bipolar. I don't believe people should discuss it openly. If you're bipolar, you should stay away from people when you're bummed out and party during the manic episodes. It's the way of our people and...

How much would it have cost Starbucks to simply pour out my latte and filter some more water through some more dirt in an effort to give me a $4 beverage that doesn't taste like cough syrup? Those mother fuckers.

I've gotta get back to work.

gooch:out

A message from my friend Robin regarding a 15 year reunion for Franklin High School (Portland, OR) class of 1992:

I have been approached by several people in the last
few weeks about a 15 year reunion. Well...it is up to
you! Please let me know asap if you are interested in
attending if something is set up. I am looking at
reserving a picnic area for alumni & their families as
well as maybe having a Friday night alumni only social
at a local bar.

I am asking for your help. I only have about 20
active email addresses of 1992 graduates. Please
forward this to anyone you know from our class and ask
them to get back to me so that I can get a
semi-accurate head count.

Thank you in advance and I look forward to seeing you
soon!
~Robin Bruck-Simmons

Only 20 email addresses? That's because only about 20 graduates from Franklin '92 have computers. Jesus... I don't remember seeing a computer inside the school. Of course, computers weren't my main concern then... feeding myself Coors Lights and getting Zimas and feeding them to girls and somehow never getting laid was. Oh yeah, and trying to write funny shit in the high school paper.

Robin's email address: rbruck_birdie@yahoo.com

gooch:1992