A possible ending to the Biography of John "Gooch" Gallucci: Click HERE

You wouldn't know it, but I have a lot of fans. Three of them and they're all cooling off my fat ass in the sauna that is the upstairs of my condo.

IRISH CAR BOMBS: The greatest drink ever invented; I'm going to start having them for breakfast. Fill half a pint glass with Guinness beer and fill a shot glass with half Irish cream and half Irish whiskey. Drop the shot glass into the Guinness and guzzle it all, making sure that the shot glass touches your nose. That's good drinking!

T-Shirt of the Week:

I swear I didn't know she was only three

From the blog of MSK, here's the best news item this month:

HUNTING FOR BAMBI

The website that you'll want to go to after checking out the above story is: http://www.hungtingforbambi.com

I want to make a new movie called "Video Pirates of the Carribean." My main character would just run around with a laptop yelling "KaZaaarghhh."

I'm also working on scripts for a series of porn movies I'd like to produce. Here's some of the working titles:

Black Cock Down.
Womb Raider.
Privates of the Carribean.

My ex girlfriend called me and told me that she just watched "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days." She did it in about ten minutes.

I was dancing at an after hours club last night and I saw some guy steal some of my moves. It was as pathetic as watching someone steal blood out of an AIDS treatment facility. It's a bad idea. I can't dance.

Guys shouldn't dance. There's no way to look cool doing it. Sometimes you can't get out of it. The best thing to do is to go out on the dance floor, watch the moves that some other guy is doing (like the guy mentioned above), repeat observed move while adding some variation, and make your face look as though you've been drinking since 10am that morning. This way, when someone is watching you wondering if you're dancing or having a seizure, they'll just think you're plastered.

I hung out with some long distance runners this weekend. They talk about doing "quick 20-mile runs" with the same passivity as I talk about crawling out of bed in the morning. They say shit like "I woke up at 4am this morning, which almost didn't give me time to run 50 miles before work" or "I just had both of my legs amputated, so I was only able to do a 10-mile sprint."

I lost my check card again. Somehow I've managed to hemorrhage cash despite my lack of access to it. I haven't slept in four days. The party ends today, I'm going to bed early.