Thinking about picking up another DJing shift. It'll be a night of passion and romance. I was there last night having a drink and you know how I always say that I drink Red Bulls and vodka because it doesn't give you hangovers? I was wrong.

Did I just see Gary Coleman doing a payday loan commercial? He has to be looking for a time machine to go back to 1984. Like in Napoleon Dynamite.

Who's Your Caddy looks entirely unfunny... it stars the principal from Ferris Bueller that got caught with child porn. Between that and the weight gain, he's full of wonderful career choices. See Gary Coleman, above.

Rush Hour 3? I've heard ads on the radio for it and the jokes are awful. So... Chris Tucker is a black guy and he can't understand Jackie Chan and there's a "height requirement" for being black and he's going to cut people up into "California rolls" and more bad cliches. I can barely make it through the commercials because they're like a laugh vacuum, the movie can only be worse.

As soon as this hangover subsides, I'm going to the gym. Or drinking again. Who knows.

goochout

This is the bridge that I wished I was standing on while I was verbally berated last night.

Picture two girls arriving at my house at 2:30am after a few drinks. Picture them telling me that I'm "being an asshole." When I point out that I haven't said anything, Picture them saying that I "have a way of being an asshole without saying anything."

I have to wake up every day and come to terms with the fact that I'm ME.

Shout out to the people in Argentina who visit my site.

I'll try to update more, now that my stats prove that my friends think I'm an asshole, but people in foreign countries like Mexico, Canada, Argentina, and Troutdale, OR visit my site regularly.

goochout.

I'm through with this...

...is not something that "comedienne" Monique would say at a buffet, but is truly my thoughts on obese women deciding to latch on to this untalented hack in an effort to excuse their deviant behavior.

Mo'Nique, another fat African-American woman in entertainment who happens to have a French sounding apostrophied name (a Jack'ee for the 2000s), has made a career from movies and television shows celebrating, well, obesity.

Oh, I'm 100% for self acceptance and high self esteem. Loving yourself for who you are does NOT include overindulging on food and celebrating the fact that you have health issues. Monique actually hosts television shows where she encourages fat, phat, F.A.T., whatever, girls to love their bulges and their "thighs that rub together and keep their coochie cat warm" (something I heard her say in a clip from The Soup.")

What a great concept! Take a group of deviant people, such as the obese and give them a celebrity role model who tells them that it's okay to eat whatever they want. I should just come out as Gooch'ique and tell alcoholics that it's okay to be the way they are and that society shouldn't make them feel bad about it. Alcoholics and fat people should accept themselves for what they are? Alcohol and food are addictive, after all. It's not their fault they were born this way. While we're at it, pedophiles shouldn't be persecuted because of their sexually deviant nature, right? THEY CAN'T HELP IT!

"So Gooch," you ask, "are you saying that Mo'nique is a pedophile?"

Yes. Yes I am.

People that overindulge in food, alcohol, anything do not love themselves. You have to really be unhappy with yourself to eat copious amounts of food and simply keep buying bigger and bigger clothes. Monique is not a friend to the fat chick.

Drunk Gooch is a friend to the fat chick, however.

I'm kidding.

To summarize and close, Monique, Tyra Banks, any celebrity that promotes unhealthy lifestyles are merely exploiting a group of weak people in an effort to gain a cult following and make money. I believe that everyone should love themselves for who they are.

I also believe that some people (like myself) should love themselves while walking on a treadmill.

goochout.