Tae-Kwon Doh!

Cuban Tae-Kwon-D0 Olympic Athlete Angel Matos got disqualified during a match, so he kicked a referee in the face. Apparently it was the best kick he launched that day. I could only find a slide show, meaning that this event happened on the one place on Earth that didn't have a video camera nearby. Strange.

goochout.

A night of pictures...

Last night was Gregster's bachelor party. It was a great time. Also this weekend, I'm going to the Festa Italiana. Also, a gratuitous picture of my cat.

Gooch:Hungover


My chips early on. I unwittingly racked this up to $47. I suck at poker.
Last night I sucked all the way to the bank.


Greg with his "bitch" tiara.


Festa Italiana 2008


Greg and Betsy: to be married in less than a week.


Missy the Cat

The 5 (PM) Wood:

Anna Faris. She's been on Entourage and I think she looks like porn star Bree Olson.

That said... I'd hit that.

Lunch Time...

Flashback:

Gooch snorting Jello shots at the Gillies' household in 2003(?).

Someone double-dared me, I guess.

Man blows .47 at fifth DUI

Cherokee County, Georgia: Cherokee Police Arrest Man For Fifth DUI (WSBTV)

According to police, the suspect blew a .47?

That's a high score. I think he should be able to enter his initials on the breathalyzer, like an 80s arcade game. He'd probably be one of those guys that instead of his actual initials, would put "FAG" or "DIK" or "FUK." But, that's his right because he fucking earned that spot. And he's fucking loaded with beer, so he has no idea what he's doing anyways.

Click HERE for a chart on the different levels of blood alcohol content and how this cracker should be chugging domestic beers in that big bar in the sky.

"Gooch," you ask, "You mean Skybar in LA?

Um, sure.

Gooch:Out

Morning Wood...

Porn Star Tera Patrick

Gooch Bag...

UPDATE: Just to clarify, this is a true story, kind of a funny exchange in the car over a word used in a way that didn't make sense to someone whose first language is Arabic.

[Gooch and his Arab friend, Alex, are driving back from lunch. The Howard Stern show is on the radio and the words "douche bag" are heard]

Alex: What is "douche bag"

Gooch: Well, literally, it's something that women use to clean themselves.

Alex: Why would you call someone that? Is he saying that the other guy is feminine?

Gooch: No, he's saying he's an idiot.

Alex: Wait... "douche" like the French word for "shower." Is he saying the other guy is not clean?
Gooch: No, "douche bag" is just a name people call each other.

[Two hours later, in the office, Alex hangs up the phone after talking to an operator about a credit card issue]

Alex: That guy is a douche bag.

Gooch: See? You got it!

Drunk Call From Vegas

This is a voice mail I left a friend of mine with whom I was in Las Vegas. Problem was, her phone was in Portland. I had gotten drunk and stranded. This call was left at 6 in the morning after I'd been thrown out of a hotel room. How'd I get there? Who knows. So, this voice mail is my attempt to, you know, get rescued.

Morning Wood...

Porn Star Bree Olson

At the 11:11...

From 2004:
Michael Phelps DUI Bust

And of course, because nothing can go totally wrong in Michael Phelps life (except for the ears):

From February, 2008:
Michael Phelps' DUI Prosecutor Charged with DUI

What a life this kid's having. He's probably judging a blow job contest as I'm typing this. If you absorb any media, you hear nothing but good things about him. Why the fuck does he even swim? He surely can walk on the water in which everyone else has to swim.

Did anyone not call bullshit?

Bigfoot claim a hoax

The bullshitters' website

This whole thing was a hoax to promote a website selling "Bigfoot hunting expeditions?" I wonder if a crime was committed (I guess they did take some money in an advance for an appearance). I mean, what was the result other than all of the major news organizations blowing this story to improbable size. Everyone that bought into this should be embarrassed. I didn't even write about it until now because, well, my bullshit detector is on full... set to 11. I err on the side of saying "fuck you" and others err on the side of "really? that's so interesting, here's a bunch of free publicity."

Lunch Time...

Chris Kattan and Wife Split After 8 Weeks of Marriage

In the car today, I caught a blurb on the Howard Stern Show about how Howard wanted to discuss this as he was very curious about the circumstances. I wonder why Howard Stern would be so intrigued about the unexpected quick demise of an odd looking humorist's marriage to a hot model?

Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky... set to be married this summer.

Divorced by Christmas?

goochout.

Morning Wood...

Bobbi Billard - MySpace Page

And at the 11:11...

Here's the swear-word laden (NSFW) trailer for Righteous Kill. RK is the upcoming DeNiro/Pacino movie.

Some thoughts...

It's a known fact that this is the first time both actors have appeared in the same frame - in focus - in the same film.

Fifty-Cent is cast as a supporting actor? Who the fuck made that call? Fiddy can't act. Was the budget so blown on the dynamic dago duo of Pacino and DeNiro that the [ahem] star of "Get Rich or Die Tryin'" got a speaking (mumbling) role?

There's a punch thrown in the trailer that comes nowhere near hitting the guy who falls. Couldn't someone have seen that and decided to retake it?

Pacino's voice is sounding more and more like Yoda's: "Get high on your own supply you must not!"

Wow... a Rolling Stones song in a movie starring Deniro. Scorcese called, he wants his soundtrack back.

I don't think Donny Wahlberg is a good actor. He simply acts better than anyone expected. Exceeding low expectations does not a good actor make.

I'm going to see this movie and I hope to God it doesn't suck. If it does, I'll bust a cap (to use the parlance of the times) at the screen. Just like I did at "Get Rich or Die Tryin'."

gooch:out

The evolution of Darwinism...

Kite surfer doesn't heed warnings, gets blown into beach, building by Fay gusts.

I think I pissed on the building where the kite surfer landed. South Beach kicks ass.

Lunch Time...

NBC: Beach Volleyball cheerleaders.

To be honest, I didn't watch the beach volleyball Olympic event as much as I might have led on. Therefore, I have no idea about the cheerleaders or, you know, whatever.

That said, click the link above and get in the Olympic spirit. I guess.

goochout.

Argentina gets in on the fun...

Here's a picture of Argentina's soccer team getting in on the "slit-eye" gesture that's all the rage in Spanish speaking countries.

Here's a story about it

At the 11:11...

GOOCH: The Log
08/14/1981

I'm really getting into this MTV channel. Hell, I'm glad about cable in general. It's cool, because with the Rogers Cable System box on top of our console television, we finally (for the first time) have a remote control in our house.

So we're on day 13 of MTV and already my Mom's bugging me about watching it so much and she's getting pissed off at some of the content. Doesn't she know that I'm almost eight years old and can probably handle spandexed chicks in leather and chains? Just wait until I can start jerking off!

I'm have to play soccer again this season. I swear, once this season is over I'm never playing soccer again. It's gay. Plus... they make me play defense, which I hate.

I think I want to get out of Cub Scouts as well. My Scoutmaster plays a game with me where he shoves candy down the front of his pants and I have to grab for it. The Jolly Ranchers come out okay, but the chocolates are always melted.

So you're wondering what I'm going to do for extra-curricular activites? The answer: Atari. I'm going to spend the rest of the summer trying to earn my Pitfall Harry's Explorers' Club patch from Activision.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to blog on a Commodore Vic-20? with a 300 baud modem? It's even more impressive since the internet hasn't been invented yet. I've got mad skills.

In a similar vein...

Man Almost Loses Penis Humping Steel Bench

I got nothin'...

Officer Johnson [heh] commented: 'Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes [heh] around.'

Nude Man Charged With Having Sex With Table.

Happy Birthday, Mr. DeNiro

Bobby D. turns 65 today.

IMDB Page for Robert DeNiro

Get your laugh on... with Allison

I feel very strongly about the effects of addiction on individuals and their families. I silently weep when I see anyone - from a rich kid who overdoses on cocaine to a homeless man passed out on the street next to a bottle of MD 20/20 - suffering from the clutches of addiction.

That said, you have to check this bitch out. She is, to use the parlance of the times, batshit fucking crazy. She's addicted to inhalants. To be specific, the "canned air" duster one might use to clean the Cheetos out of a keyboard.

I tried this stuff once. I was 19 and I wouldn't have thought to do it until I read on the bottle that it could be bad for you. You can't tell a teenager not to do specific shit, because they'll do exactly what you tell them not to do.

Pull up a loved one and a bowl of popcorn... and click the arrow in the center of the YouTube item below.



goochout.


gooch... you are the biggest fucking asshole on the planet.

people... i'm only the product of my environment.

gooch... that's a thinly veiled excuse for doing whatever you want without suffering the consequences.

people... you don't know what it's like to be me. i have to be this way. i have to balance out the universe.

gooch... you have to be somewhere in 10 minutes and you haven't showered. you're definitely late. this dialogue has to stop.

people... fuck... thanks, we'll continue this later.