Sandler sucks, J-Lo bites it, "They" blows, "Life with Bonnie" eats it...
'tis the season. Going to the Blazer game tonight, thanks to Marty at Skyland Pub. I'm hoping to hang around the Blazer locker room for a contact high. Speaking of Blazers, Ruben Patterson must be a fucking wife-beating Jedi Knight for the mind trick he did on his wife this week. Peep:
Last week, Patterson's wife, Shannon, called 911 from inside their Tualatin home. Here's a transcript of the call: "Yeah, I need to report an assault. My husband has just kicked my a**," Shannon Patterson told the 911 operator.
"I need to leave. He just tried to f****** choke me," she continued.
Police say she suffered a small cut on her left pinky finger and was choked by her husband. Officers also noticed several broken items scattered in the master bedroom and in the kitchen.
The next day, Shannon Patterson released a statement stating that the couple had a "disagreement" and that her husband did not assault her. She told police that she did not want to press charges" (What else did she say - These aren't the droids you're looking for?).
On Tuesday, Washington County prosecutors decided not to charge Patterson.
I'll be damned.
PATTERSON: DOESN'T WANT TO BE LIKE MIKE. HE WANTS TO BE LIKE IKE.
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