GOOCHONLINE - Since 1999

I always liked the opening credits sequence of the Simpsons, particularly when Bart Simpson is writing something funny on the chalkboard. I can relate, since I spent most of my sixth grade after school writing things like "I will always turn my homework in on time," or "I will not talk during class," or "I will not mix cleaning agents and aluminum foil in an effort to make a bomb."

As of late, I've become a little predictable in my behavior. I drink too much, eat too much, work too little, party like there's no tomorrow (and when tomorrow does come... I wish it hadn't). Am I complaining? Nope. One day I'll grow up and miss these days. However, I have developed quite a few bad habits that perhaps an afternoon at a chalkboard might help me break. All I need is a box of chalk, a chalk board, and this list:

I will not befriend my ex-girlfriends.
I will quit buying Viagra over the internet.
I will not date or have sex with married women.
Jack Daniels should not be drunk directly out of the bottle.
I will not get drunk and hit on girls in front of their boyfriends.
I will not make out with strange girls in public.I will not binge on alcohol and cocaine again until I'm famous.
I will not make out with any girls in public.
I will not be a cliche.
It's okay to stop drinking.
I will not post fake news stories about my death on the internet.I will not rely on xanax for mental well being.I am not too stupid to have low self esteem.