You might be the Gooch...
If you've ever ran up a $350 cell phone bill...
If your car's tags are more than three months expired...
If your last breakfast was Easy Mac macaroni and cheese...
If you receive two phone calls in the same day that the caller asks "Did I wake you..."
If both people above did indeed wake you.
If you've ever uttered the words "Wait for this Viagra to kick in..."
If you've gone to a bar for the specific purpose of getting thrown out...
If you've waited six hours for a DVD to copy rather than spend $10 for a legal copy...
If you've barbecued breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and midnight snacks consecutively...
If you've jerked off to Denise Austin or the Spanish Channel because you were too lazy to put a porn in the DVD player...
If you've said "I'm in to scrapbooking" in an effort to get a girl's phone number...
If you've watched four straight hours of Curb Your Enthusiasm...
If you've watched six straight hours of Kojak...
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