Jesus. It's been almost a week since I've updated this site.
I watched "Blades of Glory" with my Mom for Mother's day. It was pretty much a bunch of jokes borrowed from a bunch of other movies with Jon Heder and Will Ferrell playing, well, themselves. Also starring Jenna Fischer playing Pam Beesly playing Katie Van Waldenberg.
Also in the movie was Amy Poehler from Saturday Night Live. I spent a better part of the movie trying to determine with whom I'd rather have sex: Jenna Fischer or Amy Poehler. I'm intrigued by them because I don't think they're chicks that a lot of guys jerk off to. I mean, there's probably not a lot of teens with an Amy or Jenna poster on their ceilings. I feel a lot more intimate rubbing one out to a girl that not a lot of other guys are slapping it to.
Of course, I'm having this internal dialogue in my head while watching the movie and sitting immediately next to my Mother, which was odd. I ultimately determined that between battle for brain time during my next ham slapping session would be won by both girls because I'm sure my twisted brain could work up an imaginary menage-a-trois while I beat the bishop.
Don't feel like jay-ohing to a 10? Try two-fives.
I have an actual girlfriend now. This is the first girlfriend I've had in a year and the first non-stripper girlfriend I've had in a couple years. I'm doing all of the things that I make fun of guys in relationships for. Cooking dinner, shopping for purses, staying sober,. Sometimes being straight is gayer than being gay.
gooch
2 comments:
We really like this one, please keep her around!
Gooch! We are officially destined to be buddies. Insofar as that, in my honest estimation, Amy Poehler (Poehl 'er? Yeah, you bet I would Poehl 'er!) and Jenna Fischer (Fisch 'er? Yeah, You bet I would fisch 'er!) (wait, that.. second one makes ... no sense.. but hey, I'm hammered. So fuck it) are the two hottest women on earth. Anyways, point being, if, given the choice of the two of them, and yes, I do realize that this ends up being a, statistically 50/50 split, you would slightly or even, dare I say, moderately (goddammit I am so drunk I am literally staring at the last inch in the vodka bottle) prefer Amy over Jenna (oh christ, Amy on Jenna, that's a concept for the spank bank) distracted, resuming previous statement, anyways, if it came down to you and me picking between Amy and Jenna and even by the slightest amount picking Amy over Jenna then you and I are foretold by the gods of all that is holy to be friends. HOW-FUCKING-EVER! If, in fact, you would, even by the slightest of margins, choose Jenna over Amy. Then BY ODIN'S FROSTY BUTTOCKS! WE SHALL BE NEMESII AND OUR TRUCULENT BELLIGERENT AND BOMBASTIC INTERNET GRAPPLING SHALL ECLIPSE AND UMBRA THAT OF ALL OTHER WORLDLY WARFARE WHICH HATH PROCEEDETH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!ELEVENTY!!!!!ONEONEONEONE!!!!!!!
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