Last night was Fat Tuesday. I'm a Fat Fuck. It worked out well.
Drunk Gooch was out in force last night. You know drunk Gooch: He's my Tyler Durden. He does the cool shit that I don't get to do as Sober Gooch. He's the text messenger of the random; the drinker of the plenty; the humper of the anyone.
That son of a bitch takes care of me. He buys me Red Bulls for my inevitable hangover the next day. Before he goes to bed, he starts downloading porn for me to enjoy when I wake up the next day. He gets phone numbers because he's so cool that chicks can't say no to him. I'm too shy to even talk to the girls that Drunk Gooch gets the digits from. I almost have to change into my drunk persona just to function on the social level that the people Drunk Gooch meets are accustomed to.
I have to be Sober Gooch now. Have to face reality as a computer tech. Laptops by day... Lap dances at night. I'm so happy I could cry.
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