Need to regroup

This site has gotten stagnant, the Podcasts haven't been updated for a while. Is this any way to treat a website that turns 10 years old this November? Absolutely not.

I blame my lack of attention on too much Facebook, really. I have plenty of free time. I don't have a wife or girlfriend. I don't have a specific "job" to which I report. I haven't even really dated in a while (I made out with a stripper in a parking lot about three weeks ago, but that's sort of like the free square in the bingo card of intimacy).

I've been trying to lose weight, get to the gym (an event that I skipped this morning for no reason other than laziness) and do stuff around this house. And by "do stuff around this house" I mean cash in on favors/loans to have other people do stuff around this house. I don't know how to do shit except fix computers, crack a joke, and masturbate. All three are endeavors in which I engage as much as possible.

Oh, yeah, I joined one of those dating sites. I got sick of using platonic friends as "dates." I mean, if I'm going to take a girl to an event of any kind that's nice enough that I can't show up by myself, shouldn't I at least take someone from whom I might receive a blow job? The platonic friend/awkward drunken sexual moment phenomenon hasn't graced me with its presence in some time.

But I digest...

I won't keep hitting the snooze button on creativity by simply posting pictures of hot chicks. I will write something that will make people leave comments again. Complete strangers will once again email me with questions as to who I am and where I come from. They'll send me messages of encouragement and discouragement. I will work on bringing back the longer form posts... the columns that brought me to the eschelons of literary mediocrity.

Like Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ himself, I'll rise from the dead to color and hide Easter Eggs. I'll start drinking too many Red Bull and vodkas again then write about the ensuing and inevitable adventures. I'll forsake my friends and work/social commitments to once again DJ at divey strip clubs and write about my experiences. This site should soon make Penthouse Forum look like a page out of Readers' Digest.

I'll do all these things, I promise.

You know, as soon as I get a blow job or something.

goochout.