Interesting Fun Fucking Fact #421

I never learned how to tie a tie. I'm 35 years old, I've performed five weddings. I own a business. I can't tie a tie.

Have I ever tried? Never. In grade/middle school I either rocked a clip on or had my Mom or Dad help me. At the second to last wedding I performed, the groom gave me a tie to wear. On the most important day of his life (if you buy into the whole marriage being the most important day of someone's life) this man had to break from his wedding in order to tie a tie for his fucking officiant.

Embarrassing.

I hate ties. I hate them primarily because you should have the top button of your shirt buttoned when you wear a tie. You know, so you don't look like a fucking slob. My neck is so disproportioned to the rest of my body that it's almost impossible for me to find a shirt that fits my neck while not draping over the rest of me.

However, I'm attending a charitable fundraiser and I've been instructed to wear a tie. Youtube, don't fail me now:



I've used this video, carefully slid the tie off of my fat head, and hope that the knot will be preserved for when I get dressed this evening.

This website is my last refuge in which I would divulge such an embarrassing situation. I feel incredibly douchey. Now, I have to go find one of those button extenders for the top button of my shirt. Gooch: Fat and Classless.

goochout.