I was driving up West Burnside today when I noticed a girl walking on the sidewalk. More dangerous than talking on the phone or texting, I engaged in a task that I probably do five or six times a day (I drive a lot): I stared at her.
I'm driving west, she's on the right hand sidewalk walking the opposite direction. As my eyes follow her, they run into a few obstacles. a street sign, the Range Rover rolling alongside me in the lane to my right, the head of the driver in the Range Rover to my right. I noticed the driver fidgeted a bit... it was odd enough that in my peripheral vision he got my attention. It was then that I noticed that my eyefucking of a random girl wound up turning into my eyefucking of 90s alt-rock icon Art Alexakis, a Portland resident. At the next stop light, I noticed that he stopped a few car lengths back, I assumed as to stay out of my stalkers' gaze.
I felt like a total tool. My mid-commute slow motion daydream ended up being a socially awkward nightmare.
Picture of Art Alexakis
[Picture of girl walking down street not available]
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