AT&T Wireless Services has attempted to overcharge me $339.16 this year.

On January 10th, 2003 I'll be acquiring a condominium in Gresham, OR. For those of you not from Oregon, let me explain Gresham to you.

Gresham is to Portland as Beverly Hills is to Los Angeles. Gresham is a monument to everything upscale, hedonistic, and excessive in the Pacific Northwest. The only Saks Fifth, Tiffany's, Macy's, and Harrod's in Oregon can be found in Gresham. I probably won't be able to get a prostitute for under $900 an hour. That's alright, though since that's money I won't have to spend on a security system (or door locks) since there's virtually no crime in Gresham. It'll be a drag occassionally when my drive to work is impeded by the horse drawn carriages that line the streets, but the ambience is worth it. I've got a personal shopper buying my appliances right now.

Have a great holiday. - GOOCH

Portland Mayor and Police Chief's garbage rummaged

Check out the typo-riddled KGW story HERE.

Apparently, two Willamette Week reporters searched the trash receptacles of District Attorney Mike Schrunk, Police Chief Mark Kroeker, and Mayor Vera Katz. After a police search of officer Gina Hoesly's trash turned up evidence that had to be thrown out (again, I guess), the District Attorney's office planned to appeal the ruling stating that citizens give up their right to privacy when they put their trash on the curb for pickup (see logs from 12/10 below). Willamette Week reporters Chris Lydgate and Nick Budnick wanted to ask the city officials "how they like it," I guess.

I bought one of those "Clappers" and plugged my TV into it. Unfortunately, now, whenever a Clapper television commercial comes on, my TV turns off.

Someone needs to invent a malt liquor named "Christ." That way when I'm walking around looking depressed and someone asks me if I've turned to Christ, or if I have Christ in my life, I can honestly say yes.

Where am I going, and what am I doing in this hand basket?

Garbage Evidence Thrown Out.

KOIN.com: Garbage Can Evidence Dismissed In Cop Drug Case
Click HERE for the story.

Gina Hoesly and teflon attorney Stephen Houze.

Gina Hoesly at today's hearing.

Gina Hoesly and Gooch, circa 2001.

For an early Christmas gift, I received a Starbucks gift card. On the back of the gift card, it reads "Treat this Card like cash."

So I threw it at a stripper.

or...

So I rolled it into a tube and snorted cocaine through it.