Happy Birthday Marty (11/23).
Last night we celebrated my best friend Marty's birthday by doing somewhat of a pub crawl. Through the course of the evening I drank Jack Daniels, Hefeweizen, Godiva chocolate liqueur, Bud Light and oh my fucking god I wish I'd throw up already. Met Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite at a bar last night. Fell asleep next to a girl that was psychoanalyzing me as I drifted off to sleep. Yeah, that's much more fun than a blow job. Thanks. Delve deeper... I might reach a full fetal position. I miss my child psychologist who let me hit him with a foam bat at the beginning of each session. Good stuff, but I guess I should think about what I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I'm thankful for peer-to-peer filesharing and the abundance of music and porn it brings.
I'm thankful for the Nextel phone/walkie talkie and the call forwarding so I can get calls at all the places Nextel doesn't reach.
I'm thankful for antivirus software and antivirus condoms.
I'm thankful for asshole boyfriends and the noncommital sex from unhappy girlfriends they bring me.
I'm thankful for popsicle sticks and the vomitting I hope one brings me soon.
I'm thankful for Microsoft's mediocre products and the abundance of work they bring me.
I'm thankful for mail order Viagra pills and the good first (if only) impression they allow me to give.
I'm thankful for this website which celebrates (I guess) six years this month. I'm also thankful for the two girlfriends, two changes of residence, home purchase, college graduation, pregnancy scares, job I lost, business I began, friends I've made, friends I've lost, cars I've sold and purchased during the last six years. I need to settle down.
Not yet, but eventually.
Happy Thanksgiving.
GOOCHout.
I really hope I throw up soon.
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