GOOCHONLINE - Since 1999

True Portland Stories
As retold by Gooch.

A man and woman go out on a first date. Drinks, dinner, a stroll - it was a perfect evening. So perfect that the man invited the woman over to his house and she stayed the night.

The next morning she awoke. The man was getting dressed and she started to get up and do the same.

"Oh... don't worry - sleep in if you want" the man offered. "Stay as long as you want, make yourself some coffee, there's breakfast stuff in the fridge, make yourself at home. The door will lock itself when you leave."

So she did. She slept in and when she got up she went to the bathroom to take [as was told to me] a "major shit." She did so and when she flushed the toilet it clogged and started to overflow. She couldn't find a plunger anywhere so she stuck her hand into a tall kitchen bag and reached in to clear the offensive obstacle. She inverted the bag and placed that bag of excrement into another bag, tied it up and set it aside so that she could throw it out in a public dumpster outside.

She meticulously went through the bathroom to make sure that it looked as though she hadn't even used it. She washed up and walked out to the kitchen where she saw that the man left a note saying that he'd had a wonderful time and looked forward to seeing her again. She too, had a great time and was indeed eager to go out with the man again. She wrote a response saying so. Then, as it was time for her to leave, she grabbed her things and hurried out the door. The door that locked behind her, automatically as she'd been told.

She'd forgotten one thing. The bag of shit that she'd set aside. The bag of shit that she'd set aside on the kitchen counter. The bag of shit that she'd set aside on the kitchen counter next to the note. She panicked, but couldn't figure out what to do. So, she left.

He hasn't called her.