...I didn't see you come in. I trust you slept well? Can I offer you a bagel, or a croissant?
Good morning, bitches. Last night I dreamt about the most mundane shit. It's like... I've already lived today in a dream and now I have to live it in real life. You know when you have a nightmare about something awful happening and you wake up relieved to find that nothing happened? I woke up several times during the night somewhat relieved that little annoying things didn't take place. They were things not worth waking up for, but I did so anyway.Lame. And the cat hasn't figured out yet that a machine governs when she gets fed, not me. I've got that furry alarm clock going off at 5:00am (the machine with its Pavlovian tumbling of the kibble doesn't dispense until 6:45).
My weight loss continues, but it's hard fucking work. There's so much fucking food out there to eat and the cheaper it is, the worse it is for you. Can you imagine being a fat compulsive eater, a cheap fuck, and trying to lose weight? It's hell. I mean, I want a choice of three types of nachos for under a buck each. I want a choice of three different sandwiches at Wendy's for a buck each. I want to spend $7 at the dollar menu and then ask the person in the passenger seat what they want. I want to eat so much nigiri and sashimi at the sushi carousel that it takes two attendants to count my plates. Ichi Nee Son Shee... motherfuckers!
Ima nanji des ka? I've got to go.
Gooch:Konichiwa
2 comments:
Just a thought....why don't you set the Pavlovian food dispenser to ring at 5am as opposed to 6:45am? Might that solve the furry alarm problem?
Because I'd have to read the manual again to set the goddamned thing and that, my friend, is a task I'm not prepared for.
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