What the fuck is this shit?

I've been trying to avoid writing too much about my personal business; my thoughts evolving to the point that yes: believing that other people are really interested in what I'm doing day to day is pretty douchey. Douchie? Whatever.

However, in my bid to get healthy this year, I went to a doctor for a routine physical. My cholesterol is 204 and my fasting blood sugar is 101. The total combined equals my last score on Frogger.

Wow... my last two sentences reveal that I'm fat and old.

The cholesterol wasn't a surprise (I think I had a cholesterol high score of 240 or 280 in high school... there was no place to put my initials, unfortunately), but the blood sugar... well, wasn't really a surprise either.

I'd noticed in the last six years that sugary cocktails made me feel sick and flush. I'd since limited my drink arsenal to vodka sodas, Jack and diet, and vodka with my beloved sugar-free Red Bull (Red Bull gives you wings, but vodka and Red Bull... well... it'll make you a God-damned sexual tyrannosaurus*). I once (a few years ago) woke up in the morning, drank a sugar laden Slim Fast and suddenly went back to sleep for another hour. That shit ain't normal. That shit did get ignored.

What's sad is that I'd lost 10 pounds in the two weeks prior to the physical. I should have been a bit healthier. I've lost six pounds since then. Ignorant to my health maladies before last night; I just was looking to look better to ultimately, you know, get laid.

I'm coming to revelations in these early minutes of reading the report. This is why (in the early 2000s) Atkins worked for me, but not Weight Watchers (you can sugar the fuck up on WW and not exceed your 'points.'). This is why I was feeling good this morning until I ate those two kiwi fruits, as if I didn't just read that I have high blood sugar. As if my routine and behaviors can't just immediately be changed by the fact that I just read something that indicates I should fucking do so.

So what does this mean to the future of me? I shudder to think. "Lifestyle change?" Perhaps. I have such a phobia of needles that I can't imagine shooting myself up with anything, should dia... diab... that shit comes around.

"Sugar? No... I'm sweet enough already. Literally. I think I'm bleeding corn syrup."

I gotta go.

My Birthday is coming up soon.

goochout.


*Props to Jesse Ventura. And Ryan White.