Is Michael Jackson Still Dead?

I would have loved to, you know, make those teeth even whiter. Sorry... that was creepy even for me.

Oh, this? Yeah... I um... I had a deviated septum.

Joke, as it was just texted to me: "When Farrah Fawcett got to Heaven, God offered to grant her one wish. Fawcett said "I wish for all the world's children to be safe." God said "Let it be so," and then killed Michael Jackson.

So apparently Michael Jackson died. I might have caught a snippet on TV and there may have been a mention or two on VH-1. I was too busy pleasuring myself to the numerous reprints of Farrah Fawcett's red bathing suit poster from the seventies. I think Fawcett's last name is fitting, because that's what she made guys' dicks look like with that poster.

You see, I'm implying that a lot of men masturbated to her poster, and "Fawcett" is a play on "faucet." I suck.

I posted a few things on Twitter/Facebook, as I often do. Facebook is different than this site in that my "friends" are forced to read what I write. I'll put absolute filth on this site, but I reserve myself when it comes to the Twitter/Facebook in an effort not to offend anyone. Here's a snippet of some of those posts:

MJ's fans, or some of them, are committing suicide because of his death.
"And that, Billy, is what Darwinism is."

Drinking wine out of a sippy cup, just like MJ served wine at his house.

I'll pour some Jesus Juice on the curb for MJ tonight. Kids in LA are allowed to play outside again. I'd say RIP, but I doubt that'll happen.

First: If someone is such a fan of Michael Jackson that his leaving this world for his inevitable trip to hell causes them to want to die themselves, well... they are absolutely mentally ill.

The truth of the matter is, Michael Jackson was a pedophile. You can say "he wasn't convicted," and I'll say "fuck you." OJ Simpson wasn't convicted and no one's really willing to let him slide. OJ fans for the most part are like "yeah, he was a great running back. Oh, and he fucking murdered those people." Jackson fans for some reason think that because he wrote "Thriller" or some shit, that he didn't molest any kids. I'll tell you what: no kid came up with "Jesus Juice" on his own. MJ was the King of Pop, and 'pop' is not what he was serving those kids. You know, the kids he slept in the same bed with.

I used to think it was neat that he spent time with children afflicted with terminal diseases, such as AIDS and cancer. Now I think Michael Jackson did so because he figured they wouldn't live through the molestation trial.

Michael Jackson claimed he hung out with a lot of little kids because he "didn't have a childhood." You know what? I did have a childhood. I was a fat kid with pimples at the age of eight. I had a child shrink. Hey, MJ: You want a childhood? Take mine. Childhoods aren't all you think they're cracked up to be. I fucking hate little kids. Using Jackson's logic, I'd have little kids over to my house so that I could call them "fat" and "pizza face" and make fun of them for wetting the bed until they were 12.

And what the fuck was the point of all the health shit that Jackson was in to? Isobaric chambers? Always with the hospital masks (before swine flu made that look okay)... and he died at fucking 50? Is he sitting in hell with Jim Fixx having a conversation about irony?

But in the end, a life was lost. I feel for the family of Michael Jackson. I mean, they're all fucked up and crazy too, but they're human beings (except for Latoya) and are probably very sad right now.

R.I.P. Michael Joseph Jackson. You can give me moonwalking lessons in Hell.

I'll leave you a snippet from an AOL article to remind you of how screwy he was.

"Sharing a bed is a beautiful thing"

To most people, the idea of a grown man having sleepovers with teenage boys is creepy, but Michael "Wacko Jacko" Jackson has never been most people. During Martin Bashir's ABC documentary 'Living With Michael Jackson,' the tarnished pop star uttered these words while holding hands with a 13-year-old cancer survivor. A year later, the same boy accused Jackson of feeding him wine, showing him pornography and fondling his genitals during numerous sleepovers at the Neverland Ranch, marking the second time in a decade that the pop icon had been brought up on child molestation charges.The resulting trial, and media circus that surrounded it, was fittingly bizarre, featuring celebrity witnesses like Jay Leno and Macaulay Culkin, Jacko arriving to court in pajamas and the unfortunate introduction of the term "Jesus Juice." Although Jackson was acquitted of all 10 charges in June 2005, he was dethroned as the King of Pop: In March 2006, he was forced to sell his beloved California hideaway and sought exile in Bahrain.

gooch:out

mama say, mama saw, mama cu saw.