The World's Most Dangerous Gooch

I'm a motor boating son of a bitch.

Shalom, fuckers.

So I didn't write the anticipated "masturbation" column last night. I got invited to Flying Pie Pizza, where the party of my second favorite pie led to a lower intestinal hangover that kept me away from the keyboard.

Tylenol PM and 8oz of vino put me into a coma last night. Slept well. Staying home tonight to do some chores. Was doing so well with the staying in and not drinking. Letting myself slip this week because I'm entering a weight loss contest at my gym before February 1st. I think it's like $1200 for first prize. Maybe some incentive will make me drop some lbs. and therefore be able to be loved by someone who doesn't have daddy issues, or didn't get hugged enough before she turned 18.

Or both.

Found out that "Snookie" from Jersey shore isn't Italian... she's adoped from Chile. She's as fake as that fucking tan of her's.

I'm out.

gooch