Rebel without a Clue...

I've sort of become a bit paranoid about people reading this site and bringing what they read into the real world: making judgment calls about me, my personality, even my soul. Having said that...

http://www.igooch.net/columns/lovecolumn.htm

http://www.igooch.net/columns/bearhunt.htm (From 2000)

I'm up already this morning. Made breakfast and prepared lunch, which will likely be consumed as a snack so that I can eat some god-awful expensive lunch downtown.

UPDATE: [from the interweb]:

There is helium all around us in the air, but it is not a good source for helium collectors. There are only about 5 parts of helium for every 100,000 parts of air! People have discovered much richer sources of helium underground. Some radioactive elements, such as uranium, release alpha particles when they decay. An alpha particle is just a helium atom with no electrons. Deep in the Earth where these radioactive decays take place, the alpha particles capture electrons and become helium. As the radioactive deposits age, large quantities of helium become trapped in underground caverns. To collect the helium, people drill down into the caverns and capture the helium as it escapes.


Most people are familiar with helium balloons. We put helium in these balloons, because it is lighter than air and is non-flammable. However, most of the helium used today is in liquid form. All gases become liquids when the temperature becomes low enough, or when excessive pressure is used. Scientists use liquid helium for experiments that have to be kept very very cold. Helium becomes a liquid at 270oC below zero!

Did you read that? I didn't. I'm more content with my own imagined conclusions which, of course, involves voodoo with a side of sorcery. Lighter than air?That doesn't seem scientifically possible. Of course, neither does Gatorade or the female orgasm.

[Girl on the phone as I write this: "I've experienced both." Me: You've had Gatorade and helium?]

Early morning wit... you can't buy that at the supermarket. You can't buy condoms there either. At least, that's my excuse for never having one on me.

Caffeine is kicking in.

gooch:out

UPDATE: I read that helium thing. They do mine it. Holy shit. They mine it using drills and witchcraft. At least, that's what I think I read. Wouldn't it be funny if I could write and at the same time be functionally illiterate?

[Gooch sits on the witness stand, about to be cross-examined by the prosecution]
Prosecution: Mr. Gallucci, did you write this?
Gooch: I think so.
Prosecution: Can you read it to the court?
Gooch: Um... no.
Prosecution: You can't or you won't?
Gooch: I never learned to read.
Prosecution: You can write, and yet not read?
Gooch: That's correct.
Prosecution: That doesn't seem possible.
Gooch: Hey, neither does helium. Did you know that they mine that shit?
Prosecution: Yeah, you mean you didn't?
Gooch: Well, I had to look it up.
Prosecution: Seriously?
Gooch: Yeppers.
Prosecution: Is this a poorly executed comedy technique, known as a call back?
Gooch: Sort of.
Prosecution: Are you done writing this?
Gooch: Hell yeah, I should have been done before I started.
Prosecution: Do you regret not copying and pasting the words "Prosecution" and "Gooch?"
Gooch: My typing muscles do hurt.

out.