Worshipping False (American) Idols

I defer to my heat of the moment Twitter posts to relay my thoughts on American Idol's finale last night. In summary, though:

Dane Cook is not funny. He and Joe Piscopo should be at a bar in the middle of the day somewhere telling chicks how famous they used to be.

Ricky Gervais bombed. Polite laughter wasn't loud enough to not be uncomfortable.

Janet Jackson looks like Jermaine, sounds (seriously, listen to her performance again) like Michael, and has Tito's gigantic ass.

I could stare at Siobahn (last name irrelevant) all fucking day. I find her looks more compelling than cable television. And I mean expanded cable; not that channels two through seventy-one bullshit.

Reuben Studdard lost some weight, and Kelly Clarkson sure as fuck found it.

Simon Cowell and Crystal Bowersox looked like they were competing for who wanted to look less like they wanted to be there.

Do you fucking mean to tell me that out of the thousands of tryouts and all of the votes, the resulting two candidates for American Idol are two chubby uncharismatic, uninspired (Bowersox tried to leave the show recently, according to reports) decent-karaoke-singers-at-best contestants? Look at them. Listen to them. That's the absolute BEST talent that America has to offer?

Gooch:Out






I'd still bang Kelly Clarkson.