I bought a $13 set of headphones and was given the opportunity to purchase a "protection" plan in case the headphones should fail. The price of this protection plan was $6. That can't make sense to anyone and the salesman actually kept a straight face while offering this to me.
I should have punched him. If I knew how to throw a punch.
goochout.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Sunday, July 01, 2007
All I really need to know about sex I learned from watching porn:
Girls like it when you shoot a load in their face. The more the better. This technique also eliminates the need to use a condom during sex.
Jazz music always leads to sex.
Women like anal sex more than they would really lead you to believe. You should try to integrate it into every intimate encounter you have.
While receiving oral sex, put your hand on the back of the girl's head. It shows her that you really appreciate her efforts.
Hot girls with big fake breasts love fat guys with hairy backs.
******
End of the month. Lots of paperwork to do. It's too nice outside to work. I will anyways.
goochout.
Girls like it when you shoot a load in their face. The more the better. This technique also eliminates the need to use a condom during sex.
Jazz music always leads to sex.
Women like anal sex more than they would really lead you to believe. You should try to integrate it into every intimate encounter you have.
While receiving oral sex, put your hand on the back of the girl's head. It shows her that you really appreciate her efforts.
Hot girls with big fake breasts love fat guys with hairy backs.
******
End of the month. Lots of paperwork to do. It's too nice outside to work. I will anyways.
goochout.
Friday, June 29, 2007
I crashed at Nikki's house last night. I found some pictures on her computer. Here's a few.
Look at the furry rat. Look at the thing crawling on his neck.
Look at my big, dopey, fat fucking head.
Look at my big, dopey, thinner fucking head. Taken six months after the picture above.
The girl with large fake breasts did not know I was grabbing them in this pic.
Nikki's Graduation. That's not Jeb Bush on the left.
That's Jeb Bush.
Me with two girls in a friend's hot tub circa 2005. Gratuitous? Irrelevant?
You betcha.
Gooch:Out
Look at the furry rat. Look at the thing crawling on his neck.
Look at my big, dopey, fat fucking head.
Look at my big, dopey, thinner fucking head. Taken six months after the picture above.
The girl with large fake breasts did not know I was grabbing them in this pic.
Nikki's Graduation. That's not Jeb Bush on the left.
That's Jeb Bush.
Me with two girls in a friend's hot tub circa 2005. Gratuitous? Irrelevant?
You betcha.
Gooch:Out
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
I'm watching Superman Returns and couldn't help but notice that James Marden
Gets cock blocked in this movie and The Notebook. Heh.
goochout
Gets cock blocked in this movie and The Notebook. Heh.
goochout
Just chillin'
At home in my chambers watching Judge Judy while the A/C unit cools away. I sunburned myself yesterday. The sun has always been my friend. It brings me warmth... and tan. How could it injure me so?
I've dropped another 6 ounces. This eating right and exercising is really paying off. It's awesome being the fattest jogger on the track. I'm going to look like James Belushi when I'm older.
Fuck.
I'm hungry and I need a drink. What time is it? Six PM?
Fuck again.
Entourage better kick up some better plotlines. They finally made Billy Walsh somewhat more bearable to watch. Anthony Michael Hall pissing off a balcony was a nice touch. I actually did that at a bachelor party at the Doubletree at Lloyd Center.
I have no desire to leave this room. I have the internet, television, and air conditioning. If somehow a pizza got delivered I'd be the happiest man alive. Okay, if a pizza and a blowjob got delivered.
Then I'd be content.
Wow, Gooch. A pizza and blowjob reference. Really pushing the bounds of comedy, eh?
At home in my chambers watching Judge Judy while the A/C unit cools away. I sunburned myself yesterday. The sun has always been my friend. It brings me warmth... and tan. How could it injure me so?
I've dropped another 6 ounces. This eating right and exercising is really paying off. It's awesome being the fattest jogger on the track. I'm going to look like James Belushi when I'm older.
Fuck.
I'm hungry and I need a drink. What time is it? Six PM?
Fuck again.
Entourage better kick up some better plotlines. They finally made Billy Walsh somewhat more bearable to watch. Anthony Michael Hall pissing off a balcony was a nice touch. I actually did that at a bachelor party at the Doubletree at Lloyd Center.
I have no desire to leave this room. I have the internet, television, and air conditioning. If somehow a pizza got delivered I'd be the happiest man alive. Okay, if a pizza and a blowjob got delivered.
Then I'd be content.
Wow, Gooch. A pizza and blowjob reference. Really pushing the bounds of comedy, eh?
Monday, June 25, 2007
Notes to self:
DVR "Entourage" because the On Demand version isn't in HD.
Don't joke about adultery at a wedding reception where you don't know anyone.
It is possible to overtan.
Men's Wearhouse is into the MAD upsell. Walk in for a shirt, come out with a suit.
The show "Intervention" is not a comedy series.
65 degrees is not swimming weather.
If your biggest decision of the day is weather to jerk off to Alba or Biel, you need a second job.
If you drive a vehicle in Bend, OR, expect to be pulled over.
DVR "Entourage" because the On Demand version isn't in HD.
Don't joke about adultery at a wedding reception where you don't know anyone.
It is possible to overtan.
Men's Wearhouse is into the MAD upsell. Walk in for a shirt, come out with a suit.
The show "Intervention" is not a comedy series.
65 degrees is not swimming weather.
If your biggest decision of the day is weather to jerk off to Alba or Biel, you need a second job.
If you drive a vehicle in Bend, OR, expect to be pulled over.