In June of 2000, as I graduated from Portland State, I weighed in at 240 pounds. After my graduation party, I started on the Atkins low carbohydrate diet. Within four months I lost 30 pounds. I looked great, felt great, and I started to binge from Thanksgiving through New Years. Suprisingly, I only gained 16 pounds. I've maintained that weight to this day, weighing 226--my ideal weight if I were 9 feet tall.
On May 1st, while everyone was protesting workers rights and other trivial nonsense, I started back on the low carb action. It sucks ass. As is expected, I've lost all ambition and energy during the first two days. I've fallen asleep at 7pm two nights in a row. My brain is not functioning up to par, due to low blood sugar. These symptoms will subside, I hope, and I'll be back on track to getting myself down to the "mildly obese" category.
It's always when you've decided to abstain from doing something that the opportunities to do it come from all directions. The ultimate is that my boss just brought in about 8 pounds of chocolate bars and mints, for the office to graze at our leisure. Last week, these treats would have served as my sole source of nutrition for like three goddamned days. But I can beat those chocolate bars. They don't think so... they're staring me down from across the hall (yep, they're in perpetual eye-shot of my office). They're taunting me... "gooch, only 26 carbs (I checked), one won't kill you... everyone else is having one... I'll be your friend... the cool kids are doing it..."
SHUT UP! The fundraiser chocolates are the worst. F*ck 'em. I don't need them-- I've got hordes of non-carb meats and cheeses to consume.
I'm getting delirious... Sign my guestbook.
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