GOOCHONLINE - Since 1999

My Mom just had her gall bladder removed using a laprescopic procedure. This means that instead of a large incision and two days in the hospital, I'm going to be picking her up seven hours after her surgery.

I, on the other hand, had my appendix removed and instead of getting one of those progressive doctors I got the Black Hand of Death with his fucking scalpel likely sanitized over an open flame. I've got a scar on my gut that increases and decreases in its enormity as I gain and lose weight and I spent two nights in misery at the hospital.

Opinions are like people... they're all assholes.

- Michael P. Henry

Before there was GoochOnline, there was Gooch and Mike: The Column. Mike Henry is in town from Vice City and we're tearing up Portland the only way we know how: Losing at pool and picking up on the chicks that beat us at pool. It's the most fun I've had in a long time, dammit.

Next stop for me is Idaho where I'm going to continue to get my ass kicked at pool.

Get your "I [club] baby seals" sticker today! In the Merch section above