GOOCHONLINE - Since 1999

Cartman: Clyde, Clyde! If you had a chance right now to get back in time and stop Hitler, wouldn't you do it? I mean, I personally wouldn't stop him because I think he was awesome, but you would, right? - From last night's episode of South Park titled "Make Love Not Warcraft," which was the sweetest fucking episode ever.

I'm downloading it off of Lime Wire right now. If I use PDX bandwidth to pirate video, is it a bigger offense?

I had a conversation with a couple of girls about what the difference between first degree, second degree and third degree sodomy would be. Maybe it's the size of the penis involved? Fuck, I'd only get pegged with a misdemeanor.

Dammit.

Approaching hour 4 of being in an airport terminal. My mind is starting to wander. I wonder if I have a chance with the absolute piece of ass Barista at Coffee People 20 feet from me. I wonder if the people behind me are reading this. I wonder if Mark Foley can give a good blow job. I wonder if I can't get a girlfriend, or if I just don't want one. I wonder what my life would be like if I did something simple like run a hot dog stand or anything that didn't involve Microsoft. My laptop wouldn't boot for this session. I had to do things that normal users wouldn't think to do necessarily just to get my desktop. I guess this is why I have a job. Or, more accurately, I guess that's why I was able to make up a job. I wonder if my ex, Cheryl, has gained more respect for me as a person than when we were together. I wonder if having sex with a lot of people only proves that you have low self-esteem. I wonder if getting drunk all the time only proves that you have little self control. I wonder if the Blackjack tables will show me some respect this weekend.

Being stranded at PDX is sort of a blessing in disguise. This forced solitude is sort of okay. I like friends and family... shit like that. However, I think a lot of people would kill to have four unobstructed hours by themselves with a laptop with a full battery.