A Portland Scandal.

So Mayor Sam Adams, Portland Oregon's openly gay mayor has admitted, the evening before a local weekly magazine published the news, that he had an affair with an 18-year-old intern.

Willamette Week: Adams' Admission

The real pisser of the whole thing is that there are so many places to have gay sex in Portland, that there's no reason to do it with someone you have to lie about. There are the gayest of night clubs in downtown Portland. There's a stretch of SW Stark Street known as "Vaseline Alley." Even I, whose inability to say "no" has been displayed at strip clubs, dance clubs, and buffets, have refused to pursue some girls because it might possibly affect my job. Yet some people have even less self control than me.

"I want to publicly acknowledge I made a mistake and apologize for it," said Adams, who is in DC for the presidential inauguration tomorrow of Barack Obama. "In the past, I've characterized my relationship with Beau Breedlove as purely non-sexual and that is not true."

Wait... Breedlove? Not since my story about the lesbian with the last name of "Cock" has there been such an ironic name attributed to a gay person. His kind of love does not breed.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

I have no problem with gay people doing anything. They should be able to fight in wars, get married, you know - all of the things that most straight guys try to avoid. There are a lot of people that denounce the homosexual lifestyle because it's immoral and unnatural. You should see the immoral and unnatural things this straight guy did in 2008 alone. Trust me, gay is never the issue: being a sick fuck is.

Gays should be able to hold an elected office. They should not, however, hold an 18-year-old employee's cock in the process of getting there.

Local and national politicians: Goldschmidt, Packwood, Clinton... have all fucked poorly, apologized and said that they've "made mistakes." Fucking is never a mistake. You fuck someone because you want to fuck them. I walked to the wrong Scion today and stood there confused that my remote wasn't unlocking the door. Meanwhile, my Scion was flashing its lights behind me while I stood there looking confused. That's a mistake. Fucking someone, cheating on someone, banging an intern or a student, is not a mistake. It's some premeditated shit that you knew you were going to do way before it happened.

So another politician lied, got caught in that lie, and then apologized for it hoping for unilateral forgiveness. I think Adams should keep his job. He shouldn't resign. Two consenting adults banged and then lied about it. That's a perfect one-sentence description of my twenties. Let him do his job until he does something serious, like actually break a law.

[I free wrote this, should you wonder why I appear batshit crazy or if you're tallying up the number of times I typed "fuck." I was just looking for something to do while I drank wine, downloaded porn, and waited for the Advil PMs to kick in. These computer things are amazing.]

goochout