Goochpourri

What I've learned recently...

I've learned that just because you want to have sex with someone, doesn't mean you should date them.

I've learned that you can't make someone like you. Even if you're holding a gun.

I've learned that NASCAR fans do, in fact, have high speed internet.

I've learned not to fuck with NASCAR fans.

I've learned that the children are the future. In the present, however, they're pains in the ass.

I've learned that the girls I should be dating are likely not fans of my strip club DJing voice; I should refrain.

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How I'm dealing with the current economic climate:

Switching from real cologne to Axe Chocolate body spray: I no longer have the desire to pay $60 to smell like a French gigolo. Now, I pay $5.49 to smell like a adolescent Hershey bar. What a great move for a fragrance company: girls like chocolate, make a spray-on scent for men that smells like chocolate. Now girls and fat dudes will start following me. How about an Axe fragrance that smells like chocolate, salty things, and cash. Spray an ounce of that on my groin and let the magic happen.

Only dating one girl at a time: Dating multiple women at once can remove the look of desperation from your face on date night. However, it shrinks your wallet, expands your waistline and you start to feel like an asshole along the way.

Quit paying $4 for coffee: Fuck Starbucks. $4 coffees and they are still closing stores? I don't want to give them any more money to line executive pockets and lay off baristas. Laying off a barista is totally fucked because what else is someone with a master's degree in History going to do for work?

Drink at Home: That $12 bottle of wine in your wine rack is being served for $7.00 a glass at a restaurant.

Pirating movies and music: Why pay $9 for a ticket to sit in a room full of assholes watching a shitty movie. After downloading a current film, I can sit in a room full of assholes in my own living room. And music? My car stereo doesn't even have a CD player.

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2009 marks the 25th anniversary of the release of the original Terminator movie. That was the first rated 'R' film I'd ever seen in a theater. I remember being 10 years old and thinking how awesome it was seeing Linda Hamilton's naked breasts on the big screen. "I can't wait until I'm old enough to jerk off to this," I remember saying.

From IMDB's "Trivia" page: O.J. Simpson was considered for the role of the Terminator, but the producers feared he was "too nice" to be taken seriously as a cold-blooded killer.

goochout
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