Lackeys:
So the media has begun to report something that I tweeted two weeks ago: The knife wielded by the man shot at Hoyt Arboretum was, in fact, an Exacto knife:
It's a "razor knife with a six-inch handle," not a pen knife with a 7/8" blade. Do you realize that our police hire people to sit in a room and write/spin the best way to describe this knife to make it seem more threatening without actually lying? Do you realize that I'm not the most socially involved person on the planet (I donate money to a couple things and I buy Girl Scout cookies, but that's about it. Oh yeah, magazines to the VA) but even I'm a little dismayed at all this?
And then...
Holy shit. I, for some reason, completely believe the BMW driver in this case. Even Sergeant "Dirty" Kyle Nice's story doesn't seem to justify getting out of your car and pulling an effing gun. I appreciate that a neighbor spoke to reporters speaking against Nice, calling him the more "aggressive" one and not believing that the situation warranted a gun. If I witnessed it, I would have said that the BMW driver pulled out an AK-47 and Nice somehow Chuck Norrised that shit out of his hand while calculating pi in his head and rescuing a puppy from a tree. Or something. I mean, I'd take the truth and, you know, spin it.
Anything but the fucking truth. God forbid I get gunned down for carrying a concealed Bic pen.
Interesting Fun Fact: Portland Police Sergeant Kyle Nice's middle name is "Izzent."
Ba Dum Bum
or...
Wah Wah Waaaaaah.
Does your blog have sound effects after bad jokes? That's right, I'm an innovator.
Gooch: Out
No comments:
Post a Comment