Douchebook Bingo/Drinking Game

"It's embarrassing. Who cares? If you wouldn't say it during a phone conversation, don't write it out." - Whitney Cummings

Friends:

I read Facebook, but not for the same reasons you do. I like to plunge into the depths in which some people will go to reach some sort of douchebag euphoria. I mean, the narcissism involved in assuming that all 600 of your friends might be interested in what you cooked for dinner, or what you're eating/drinking at the moment. I feel like I'm witnessing the douchebagging of America with the proliferation of reality television and social media creating a perfect storm.

And I'm a guy that's had a blog since 1999. That's right... I believed that shit I had to say was important to the masses. I actually started it when the college paper for which I wrote did not publish a piece that I'd written that I thought was pretty good (there were a few real shit-bombs that they did publish) and I felt it needed to be published. In 1999, it was a bit of an endeavor. I invented this while Harvard freshmen invented Facebook. Fuck me.

I'm a douchebag pioneer. A doucheneer, if you will. And you will.

And now, full self disclosure has reared its mass appeal head in the form of the latter of the two aforementioned internet phenomenons. I've noticed a theme, from which I wanted to make a drinking game or a bingo game. I call this the Facebook Status Update BINGO or Drinking Game.

Grab a bottle, twist the cap, and get your drink on with this fun filled game:

• Listing what they made/had for dinner. (2 shots)
• Promoting a multi-level marketing scheme in which they're involved. (3 shots)
• Writing a "wall to wall" message (other than a birthday) because the trivial conversation between them and a friend must be interesting to others.
• Copying and pasting a joke as if it was their own. (3 shots)
• Copying and pasting one of my jokes as if it was your own (put your head into a gas oven and just let go. Oh, while I take 3 shots).
• Posting a self taken picture of his or her self (2 shots)
• Posting a self taken picture of his or her self taken in a mirror (3 shots)
• Posting a self taken picture of themselves doing the "duck face" (4 shots)
• Any evidence of someone playing Farmville/Mafia or reading a fortune cookie (1 shot)
• Someone doing the horrific practice of changing their relationship status to "It's Complicated." (3 shots)
• Posting a status update that is clearly meant to bait people into asking "what's wrong?" or "what's going on?" (2 shots)

I think I'm procrastinating going to the gym. I think the volume of what I've written lately is directly related to my not wanting to work out. I've got to work on that.

Later.

goochout