GOOCHONLINE - Since 1999

I'll be the first to admit that it's a man's world. I know that men have it good. We make more money, we gain weight without fear of social backlash, we don't have to bear children.

One advantage to being a girl is the fact that they can masturbate with such a variety of household items. It seems that while men have only the left and right hands to delegate jerking off duties, women can actually use items, produce, and forces of nature to accomplish the same thing.

If I was a girl, I'd line up a masturbatory six-way with an electric shaver, a detachable shower head, an old pager, a bath tub faucet, a cucumber, and maybe even a washing machine with an uneven load. With such an array of items with which to get off, why do women waste time with men at all? Is it because a Norelco has yet to take a girl to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. Hell... I have yet to take a girl to Ruth's Chris. Yet somehow drunk girls are often unable to resist my classy advances.

Another thing (unrelated): women have this "plumper" lipstick which, allegedly causes the wearer's lips to get... plumper. I wonder if I got a tube of this lipstick (I hope they make it in 'clear' or dark brown) and rubbed it on my penis, if it would have the same effect? If you get a blow job from a girl wearing the plumper lipstick, will your dick be bigger when she's done? Would it be like putting a cake in the oven and waiting for it to rise?

Ha!

gooch:available for weddings and day care grand openings.