I'm a Party of One.

Jenna Von Oy from "Blossom." I'm pretty sure I'd give Six my three.

I drank a little too much wine last night during my own Monday night movie, um, night last, geez, night.

I watched "Saving Sarah Marshall" last night, at the recommendation of a friend. Good flick. When I wasn't thinking about who I wanted to just absolutely plow into (Kristen Bell or Mila Kunis) I thought about the situation of the protagonist, a guy whose girlfriend just broke up with him. I've been in the situation a few times. I think it, despite the tears, may be the most liberating experience one can experience. If you get dumped, you can do whatever you want. You can drink too much, get into a bar fight, fuck random sluts, and maybe wrap your rental car around a telephone. Why?

"Oh, he's going through a tough time right now."

Ha. That's bullshit. Sure, the overwhelming feeling of rejection and sorrow may cause you to want to wash down your Jack Daniels with a shot of .38. However, you can embrace the situation by using it as a free pass at life. If only for a short while.

Okay, Kristen, now it's your turn to hold the camcorder. Mila! Get off of the trapeze. Now be honest, does this diaper make me look fat?

As my wine-buzz settled in, I thought about something I did last week when I was sober. I immediately thought to myself "Oh, my God... I can't believe I did that." My drunk side is appalled with the shit my sober side is doing. On the other hand, Sober Gooch is pleased with how Drunk Gooch has handled himself lately.

The economy and my brain are completely fucked up at this point. It ain't my job to fuck you on your birthday. Think about that.

What ever happened to my podcast?

Message on my phone alarm: 6:00am: Work out you fat fuck

Guess that's my cue. Goochout.