She's out of your league.

You know those movies where the really nice but slightly unattractive guy has a really hot female best friend who always dates jerks and then at the end of the movie finds that the really nice but slightly unattractive guy was the one she was looking to be with the entire time?

That's most of my friendships. Not that I'm trying to date any of my female friends. Their friends, maybe. I do think that if you have a female friend that is attractive, it's natural to have platonic feelings switch over to something else. I think there's a much finer line between platonic and romantic love than some people realize. Alcohol is great at diminishing that line.

However, I've imagined what it would be like to date one of my female friends. I created an honest simulation in my brain (the petri dish of social engineering) that yielded results that reinforced the notion that it's a bad idea. First off, I treat my female friends like guy friends. They know pretty much everything about my disgusting relationship past. In most cases, I know theirs. So, if you intimated to a chick friend about the time in Thailand you got a rim job from a girl at a Bangkok brothel only to find out she was actually a fifteen-year-old boy. Believe me, that will come up in a fight if you actually get into a relationship with said friend. I mean, think of all the things you and any female friend have told each other. Are those things you would ever want a significant other to know? They say that honesty is the best policy in relationships. They are wrong. "They" are often very wrong. I, however, am usually dead-the-fuck-on.

Sobriety (and gallons upon gallons of taurine infused energy drinks) has given me a new sense of clarity. The first effect that alcohol has on the brain is decision making. That's why it seems like a great idea to drive a sports car that you can barely walk to in a bar parking lot at 2am. The preceding should not be seen as an admonishment of drinking. Or alcoholism for that matter. If I get laid, it's 90% likely that it's a result of someone else's bad decision.

I've put the Christmas tree up. It's finally the season. Happy Holidays.

goochout.